Marina. Looong story (http://borg-princess.livejournal.com/39360.html#cutid1) Officially she was the head librarian at my high school. Unofficially, she was like another mother to me. Actually, given that I was on the outs with my own mother- and you already know about me and my father- that whole year, she was the only person I could turn to and trust to hear me out without mocking me or dismissing me. She was my life support, basically, and then she left school and I couldn't see her anymore and it- well, there are no words for how sucktastic that was. I was seriously depressed and on the edge and she kept reining me back in and supporting me and- just cutting the cord like that. It feels like she died and I just can't get any closure on it.
Though a shrink would probably say I'm using her as an emotional crutch. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm clinging to that as my great tragedy in life so I can handicap myself and absolve myself of the need to deal with things or get over it. *shrugs* Self-sabotage was always my forte.
My father. *sighs* I don't know. He's not a deadbeat dad, he's totally dedicated to making sure our lives are comfortable and we have what we need, I think 'coz he grew up poor, that's kind of a fixation for him and he needs to be all controlling so that things are perfect and he doesn't have to worry about ending up on the streets or anything. I get that he stresses because of that. But- seriously, yesterday, I get home after posting this and after the regular inane chitchat ['how was your day?'/'all right'/'good'/'yeah'], the first real conversation we have is when he tells me off for- NOT TYING THE PLASTIC BAGS TIGHT ENOUGH. *headdesk* I don't know. There's just no pleasing him, it's so damn frustrating!
But thankies for teh huggles, they help! *squishes* And seriously, thanks for caring and listening to me. It helps writing this stuff out, and it's doubly helpful with your comments.
Re: your friend. Ouch. I haven't been in quite that position- like I said, Marina was a maternal figure, not a traditional 'friend' as such- but I know that it hurts to lose regular friends, so I can't imagine what it was like to lose a best friend of so many years. Having someone that matched your interests and goals in so many areas and then for that to be over...[yikes, text war? Way to add salt to the wound, grr, life] I am glad that you did reconnect with her and fix your friendship, because it sounds like she's well worth having in your life. Good luck with maintaining that friendship- I'm not going to google because I'll spend all day on it otherwise, but there's a quote about how friendship isn't supposed to be easy, but the rewards are worth the effort put into strengthening and keeping them going.
no subject
Though a shrink would probably say I'm using her as an emotional crutch. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm clinging to that as my great tragedy in life so I can handicap myself and absolve myself of the need to deal with things or get over it. *shrugs* Self-sabotage was always my forte.
My father. *sighs* I don't know. He's not a deadbeat dad, he's totally dedicated to making sure our lives are comfortable and we have what we need, I think 'coz he grew up poor, that's kind of a fixation for him and he needs to be all controlling so that things are perfect and he doesn't have to worry about ending up on the streets or anything. I get that he stresses because of that. But- seriously, yesterday, I get home after posting this and after the regular inane chitchat ['how was your day?'/'all right'/'good'/'yeah'], the first real conversation we have is when he tells me off for- NOT TYING THE PLASTIC BAGS TIGHT ENOUGH. *headdesk* I don't know. There's just no pleasing him, it's so damn frustrating!
But thankies for teh huggles, they help! *squishes* And seriously, thanks for caring and listening to me. It helps writing this stuff out, and it's doubly helpful with your comments.
Re: your friend. Ouch. I haven't been in quite that position- like I said, Marina was a maternal figure, not a traditional 'friend' as such- but I know that it hurts to lose regular friends, so I can't imagine what it was like to lose a best friend of so many years. Having someone that matched your interests and goals in so many areas and then for that to be over...[yikes, text war? Way to add salt to the wound, grr, life] I am glad that you did reconnect with her and fix your friendship, because it sounds like she's well worth having in your life. Good luck with maintaining that friendship- I'm not going to google because I'll spend all day on it otherwise, but there's a quote about how friendship isn't supposed to be easy, but the rewards are worth the effort put into strengthening and keeping them going.