Maybe purposelessness is my purpose...

[marguerite_krux]

Life.

 

I’m sooo panicky.

 

God, I hate job applications. That feeling of putting yourself under a microscope and your worth being measured by a mysterious and infinitely intimidating entity? The thought that if you miss out, you completely suck at life and you’re only fit for scrubbing off muck in bathroom stalls at public high school gyms? The tremors as your spine liquefies and you puddle into this sticky, shapeless, gooey mess of rejected gunk on the floor?

  

I’ve always wanted a part-time job at the library but I’ve been rejected or psyched myself into thinking I won’t get it anyway so I didn’t apply or missed the due date to hand in the forms…and now I finally have a chance to apply at the local library, the librarian- Yvonne- is actively backing me by supplying me with all the info, giving me forms, writing me references and taking my resume up to the office…you’d think that being endorsed by the main librarian would give me an advantage, right?

 

But if, IF, I pass the first stage, I have to go to an interview. I’ve never had an interview before! I deliver newspapers, FCOL. All I had to do was text/send a form, they called me up and bam, I’m a deliverer. [How cool do I make myself sound, btw? The Deliverer. Of DOOM, lol] I’m so terrified I’ll be one of the shortlisted applicants and say something stupid and screw up my chance to have a reputable part-time job.

 

Do you have any idea how much people look down on deliverers? We’re scum, ranked only higher than telemarketers and those annoying, predominantly Indian-lookin’ Telstra/Tru Energy/who-gives-a-damn reps that rock up to your doorstep and press the bell a million times, trying to flush you out of hiding. Ugh. [And because I have Indian blood, I can pay them out without being racist. Who knows, I may join their ranks one day. Except…I need much thicker skin than I have at present, to deal with the abuse, lol]

 

I want this job so badly. And all I can think about is the million and one ways I could ruin this opportunity for myself. *despairs*

 
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Tip of the day:

Do not donate blood in the morning and fail to eat for the rest of the day. It doesn’t feel too good. Especially when you deliver newspapers in the afternoon.

 

 

Love.

 

Well, I was feeling distinctly ill-tempered at being roused at the shocking hour of 8:30 this morning. Katherine (the neglectful friend) decided she may as well combine her errands and time with me- two birds with one stone, so to speak- and kindly informed me she’d be at my place within five minutes and we were going to town.

 

I’m not one of those fussy females that take hours to prepare, but really, ten minutes to get ready? I worked a bloody miracle, thank you.

 

Now, before you assume I have no backbone- I had no plans for the day, other than going to town anyway and picking up a book, so this was perfect. Katherine has a knack for spontaneous plans working out, I have no idea how she manages it.

 

So I got ready for town- and she gawked at my picture of Joe Flanigan [yes, well, we weren’t really talking for a while and I figured there was no need to tell her his gorgeousness was going to be in the country…I know, so vindictive]- and then I looked over at her car and realized she had come alone. She was driving. Which was new to me.

“Are you allowed to drive?”

“Of course I am.”

“How long have you been driving?”

“Hmm, about two weeks. I got lucky, my instructor was new, so she missed a lot of the mistakes I made and passed me. The rules don’t apply to me anyway.”

 

It was certainly eventful. Her crowning achievement was driving the wrong way in the car park, totally ignoring the arrows, and screeching to a halt when a car appeared around the corner- we had to reverse back a hundred meters and *narrowly* scrape by the wall to get to the exit! So embarrassing, because we were kinda staring straight into the other car, just looking at each other and they were probably cursing us to hell for this little stunt… ‘Bloody P-platers!’ Heh.

 

Oh, AND she accelerated to a million km/h on the roof of another car park and headed straight for the barrier which was the only thing keeping us from the busy street below- it was almost a scene out of some action movie, like, ‘WE’RE GOING OVER THE EDGE! AAAAAHHHH!’ Moron. *rolls eyes*

 

Yeah, so we ended up at the blood bank completely randomly. Just went by it on the street and figured it’d be a good idea. I haven’t been in a year, not because I stopped caring about people in need, but I went on Roaccutane for my skin…yes, so shallow, but you have no idea how good I felt when I met JF. Bad skin? A distant memory, hee. I definitely felt a lot more secure in myself. XP

 

Anyway, the highlight was finding out my hemoglobin levels were at 161 [the cut-off is 165, I was almost TOO high! Who knew? I thought the higher the better…] I explained to the interviewer that Katherine and I were competitive and sure enough, first thing she said to me when I came to the machine room…

“How much were you?”

“Hemoglobin?” *so nonchalant* “Oh, 161. You?”

“Uh…” *embarrassed* “128. Damn you, Annie!”

 

Such a small thing to give me such satisfaction. ;)

And thankfully? The interviewer didn't mention my weight, bless her. One time I was there in January, and the woman looks at my details and goes, 'Oh, you've gained a kilo.' O.o Thanks very much. Tralk. Like I NEED TO KNOW. Fine, I knew, but rubbing it in is not cool- and it was just after Christmas, FCOL!

 

Anyway, I wasn’t able to do plasma like Katherine, because the ladies figured they’d ease me back in by doing a simple blood procedure, but next time, we’re both doing plasma and then we’ll see whose vein is better. XP

 

[For the record, all the clinic ladies love my veins. I’m quite the efficient little blood pump, lol]

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Oh, I picked up the most awesome book- An Accidental Goddess, by Linnea Sinclair. 

It's like, sci-fi/fantasy/romance, a blend of my three favorite genres! The cover art of the re-issue is awful- she's described as wearing, like, proper pants and a jacket, not this trashy pink spandex monstrosity! But if the worst thing about it is the cover art...well, that ain't nothing! I just love the author's sense of humor, everything is so lol and just plain witty and entertaining! It's not deep and meaningful, but a lot of fun, and that's worth it. ;)

"...what really bothered Gillaine Dvre was that during her three-hundred-some-odd-year absence, the damned Khalar had gone on shrine-building kick and made her into a deity...."

AHAHAHA!

I just read a review that called her a Mary-Sue and you know, it never occurred to me. I was just enjoying the adventure so much, I didn't realize the checklist was dangerously full: pretty, intelligent, awesome powers, gorgeous love interest...but I mean, that describes all my main obsessions, so, whatever. The review also complained that Linnea didn't fully explain how magic operated in this universe, but...okay, if it were pure sci-fi, that would be a huge problem, but it's a fusion and it's light-hearted and it's not a bloody thesis, 'k? Back off.

So many things I read are depressing because the heroes are outnumbered and outgunned and people are killed off at alarming rates...it's so comforting to have a book where the woman has powers that make her equal to the challenge, with the help of those she bonds with along the way. Fans of darkness won't appreciate it, but this book just makes the world feel a little glowier and more bubbly-optimistic.

Every little line makes me giggle. The PARROTS, omg! How adorable, I love when authors include pets [chosen or foisted upon!] in books.

"I thought we solved the parrot problem."
"I thought we had too, sir."
"I just left my office. Main north, Tobias. Heading uplevel. The problem's not solved."
"Logged and noted, sir."

They sound so serious! Like, dude, go to DEFCON 1 or something, heh. So serious and over something so feathered and cute!

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That time of year again. 

Feb 14th, yay.

I’m being all Scrooge-like and bitter and couple-hating. Some day I’ll snap, because there is nothing more annoying and sickening and heartbreaking than seeing a happy, lovey-dovey, blissfully content couple walking in front of you, holding hands and cooing at each other, when you are single and desperate and possessed of no prospects at all. 

[Oh, I don't hate you if you're in a happy relationship. Seriously, that's great. It's just randoms on the street that I silently vent at, lol. It doesn't hurt them...]

 

Then tonight, my father- who I have the worst relationship with; that is, he either yells at me and I cry, or we ignore each other- walks into my room with a rose and a small line of Ferrero Rocher. And this action is so damn sweet, it makes me forget all the reasons why liking and befriending him again only leads to misery.

 

Of course, it kinda makes me a little miserable inside. Pa always bought us grand-daughters roses and chocolates for Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t feel like pity when it’s your grandfather, you know? Ma said she might do it instead, but I said she didn’t have to because it seriously feels like she’s sorry for her spinster grand-daughter and 'here’s a pity gift, cheer up', you know? It was charming and adorable and sentimental from Pa, and nothing would be the same if someone else tried to take up his role. He was such a sentimental guy, always looking for a reason to celebrate, to spoil us kids.

 

It’s so weird how someone dies and you think that moment’s the worst of it, but then the little events come along and you realize you never really get over it. You just hope to learn to ignore it better.

 

 I hate Valentine’s Day. It's seriously depressing.

Future.

 

OMG, so excited right now. Hopefully, I’m praying, mama won’t be stubborn and she will see reason and let me go to Melbourne with Katherine to see Christopher Judge! He’s pretty expensive, considering it was only $15 to see JF, but ah heck, I want to meet everyone I possibly can, and it’s his first ever con in Melbourne.

 

Katherine and I are undecided as to the ticket we’ll get- regular for $70, VIP for $110, assuming they’re still available. I mean, VIP gets you with Chris Judge in a room with a crowd of crazy fans…I’m just worried that the outgoing ones will monopolize him and my extra $40 will be wasted ‘coz I won’t speak to him anyway. And what would I say? What do you say? Anyone? Something cool and interesting and not lame-geeky-boring…

 

The first con I ever went to, with Don and Carmen, was $60 and that was for the two of them, so I’m feeling a little stingy over this. I guess because SGA far outstripped SG-1, so I’m less willing to fork out. But I am fully intending on a photo and an autograph. If you’re going to go, go all out, right?

 

It’s going to be interesting getting there, though. I don’t think the parents will be thrilled at the idea of a probationary driver being my transport to Melbourne…so I might have to creatively talk around that little issue…but we can’t take trains, because it’s from 18:00 to 22:00 and I don’t think they run that late.

 

Also, it’s on Wednesday- a school night. And I have class from 15:00-17:00, so again with the getting creative about details. ;) It’s such a pain having parents that care about my future, lol. Okay, fine, I’m kidding- but I wish they’d see that a few hours on one evening is hardly going to determine whether I pass or fail. Denying me this opportunity is more likely to make me resentful and cut off my nose to spite my face. [It’s a little sad how none of my generation understand that expression- how am I more old-fashioned than my peers?]

 

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The more awesome thing? Beaver, the dude from the sci-fi store in town [Gifts for the Geek!], was talking up some huge event in May. Apparently Teryl’s booked for it and this news caused me to squee in an utterly geekish way, because dude, Janet is awesome. No doctor that succeeded her in SG-1 ever matched her warmth and charisma. Not even close. Lam was this bitter ex-wife stereotype trapped in the body of an estranged daughter...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 
 

SGA 3x01: No Man's Land

 

Long woooooshy time filler! Like seriously long. I went to the bathroom and got myself a snack in the time it took for Lizzeh's little atom bits to rematerialize in the SGC. Landry greets her and Lizzeh tries not to kick the crap out of him for recalling her, maybe for forever, omg. I like how Lizzeh takes off her earpiece as soon as she steps through. It's the little details that make Torri fucking HOT, yo. Lizzeh sasses that she considered disobeying the order to return. What follows is actually a pretty awww-inducing conversation between the two, which is very reminiscent of a father-daughter relationship. You know, the kind that Landry and Lamma Ramma Ding Dong were supposed to have instead of the creepy, skeevy, ex-married vibe they give off all the time that never fails to throw Little Red and I for a loop. Because gross. *twitches*

 

-Ms Pooh

 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

...the others were just indistinguishable blurs.

 

But wonderful as Teryl is, she wasn’t the big news. Beaver wouldn’t confirm or deny rumors of which actor was coming, but if all goes as planned *crosses fingers* one of the original SG-1 actors will be coming.

 

Given the fact that he was all blasé about Chris Judge, who is an original SG-1 member, after all…and the fact that he said the tickets would be a hell of a lot more expensive as a result, when he said once before that RDA was almost impossible to get because he charges like $20,000, which jacks up the prices like whoa…I’m so hoping it’s RDA! How awesome would that be? He’s like, third on my list! [1. Torri *wants so much*…2. Joe…3. RDA…everyone else is negotiable]

 

This looks to be a good year in terms of cons.

2007-Year 1:

Don Davis, Carmen Argenziano, Joe Flanigan.

2008-Year 2 [optimistically]:

Christopher Judge, Teryl Rothery, RDA

2009-Year 3:

Torri? Plz? God? Anyone out there? I could probably afford to go overseas, but my parents would definitely balk at that, no one sanctioned would go with me and…I get lost easily…why can’t she come heeere?

What exciting times. ;)