Sometimes people try to act as if since other people have it worse that its not, but it is and the scars will can be just as deep and everlasting

THAT. I can't help feeling ashamed of myself for being so- IDK, childish about my little problems when it could be so much worse. I think you're the one that keeps telling me that it doesn't matter what other people have suffered, it's what my feelings are that matter. I just- I kinda want to be able to hate him full time. But he'll make me cry and I'll wish he was dead and then he'll do something nice, joke around- buy me an iPod out of the blue- and that makes me feel guilty for what I was thinking before. Gah. It's a mess.

Okay, don't get alarmed because this isn't a code for me being in serious trouble or anything, but mother and I were watching that CM ep where Elle loses it and shoots that rapist- and JJ says to the victim, something along the lines of, 'You think if he'd hurt you worse, it'd be better?' Because the girls weren't really hurt that badly, so people kept dismissing what happened to them. Mother told me once that if he ever hit me, she'd leave him and I can't help- sometimes, in my more irrational, hysterical moments- resenting that he's treading that line and keeping to the verbal abuse because I wish we could leave.

But I don't want to give the impression that he's always a total bastard. It's not 24/7, but it's definitely continuous and exhausting and...I'm so tired of it.

Aaron Hotchner is much too much of a sexy beast to be wearing those tacky ass ties.

Yes! Thank you for agreeing with me! I was afraid I was alienating the Hotch!fangirl-base by daring to criticize his fashion, but omg, it IS the tackiest tie! I kinda want to send him a tie with koala bears and kangaroos and see if he'll wear it, lol. *snickers* Hopefully his season 5 wardrobe has been enhanced...we'll get to see pretty soon! ^_^