*DIES* funniest summary of a Potter novel EVAH!!!

Hee! *bounces* Glad you enjoyed the sporking.Some people get all aggro like 'why are you reading if you don't like the series, there's no need to be mean to JKR, she's a a millionaire, you can't criticize til you publish a best-selling series' blah blah blah. But I was severely traumatized by that godawful book, and the sporkage is just really good therapy. I can LAUGH at things that sent me into a blind rage before.

And the lame-ass death sequence that Snape got...well, I'm not over it, by any means, but I can focus on how stupid and unnecessary it was- I mean, if he was the master of the Elder Wand and Nagini kills him...doesn't NAGINI become the new master, not Voldemort?! O.o

I'm reading the more lengthy, in-depth spork (http://community.livejournal.com/deadlyhollow/5080.html#cutid1)on the comm and I just shake my head helplessly at JKR's epic fail.

Then a ghost made of dust appears from the carpet. We get another run-on sentence for this:

Something shifted in the shadows at the end of the hall, and before any of them could say another word, a figure had risen up out of the carpet, tall, dust-colored, and terrible; Hermione screamed and so did Mrs. Black, her curtains flying open; the gray figure was gliding toward them, faster and faster, its waist-length hair and beard streaming behind it, its face sunken, fleshless, with empty eye sockets: horribly familiar, dreadfully altered, it raised a wasted arm, pointing at Harry.

It's probably some measure of how indifferent I am to Dumbles that I had to reread this passage at least five times before I figured that it was supposed to be Dumbledore. But then, I cheered when he died. And I would not be intimidated by a dust ghost. Especially if I'd spent six years at a school filled with real ones.

I believe that Rowling was thinking in terms of CGI for the Deathly Hallows movie.

“No!” Harry shouted, and though he had raised his wand no spell occurred to him.

[*snorts* Some hero he is. All this 'he drew his wand instinctively, though he had no clue what the hell to do with it' makes him look stupid and incompetent, JKR, did you realize that?]

Finite Incantatem sounds like a good idea. Anyway, Harry screams that they didn't kill the figure.

On the word kill, the figure exploded in a great cloud of dust: Coughing, his eyes watering, Harry looked around to see Hermione crouched on the floor by the door with her arms over her head, and Ron, who was shaking from head to foot, patting her clumsily on the shoulder and saying, “It’s all r-right. . . . It’s g-gone. . . .”

The three of you have faced three-headed dogs, carnivorous giant spiders, basilisks, Dementors, escaped convicts, fire-breathing dragons, hostile Merpeople, Umbridge, belligerent centaurs, Death Eaters, and, let us not forget, Voldemort. And you're scared of animated dust?

The words "Bitch, please" spring to mind.

Harry shuts up Mrs. Black's portrait as Hermione whines.

“That . . . that was . . . “ Hermione whimpered, as Ron helped her to her feet.

WHAT THE FRAK IS JKR DOING TO MY GIRL? *clutches head in agony* DIAF, seriously. Freezing in terror in front of a troll at 12 is one thing, but she was hunting basilisks and running after convicts and werewolves a year or so later, I mean, COME ON. Cowering on the floor and whimpering...just... *rage!splodes*

stop making me laugh when my asthma's acting up or Will's going to have to show up and revive me and we know his track-record on that front!!!

Don't worry, I'll kick his butt into action. If he wants to avoid more whumpage, he'll help you out. ;D