Random viewing material:

[marguerite_krux]

1. ‘Juno’ rocks. I don’t care how tragic or artistic or tortured the other contenders were, Ellen Page totally should have won for this movie. But at least Diablo Cody won for her screenplay, I seriously love the dialogue.

 

Leah: You should look at adoption ads. I see them all the time in the Pennysaver.

Juno: They have ads for parents?

Leah: Yeah. Desperately seeking spawn, right next to terriers and iguanas and used fitness equipment. It’s totally legit.

[a short time later]

Leah: This one? ‘Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other….’ Aww. All that’s missing is your bastard.

Juno: I don’t want to give the baby to a family that describes themselves as wholesome.

Leah: Why?

Juno: I just want someone a little more edgier.

Leah: What did you have in mind exactly?

Juno: I was thinking more like, ‘graphic designer, mid-thirties, with a cool Asian girlfriend, who dresses awesome and rocks out on a base guitar’…but I don’t want to be too particular.

 

Father [stupefied]: You’re pregnant?

Juno: I’m sorry. And if it’s any consolation, I have heartburn that is radiating down to my kneecaps.

[after she leaves the room]

Father: I’m not ready to be a Pop-Pop.

Stepmom: You’re not going to be a Pop-Pop. Somebody else is going to find a precious blessing from Jesus out in this garbage dump of a situation.

Father: Did you see that coming when she sat us down here?

Stepmom: Yeah, but I was hoping she was expelled or into hard drugs.

Father: That was my first instinct too, or a DUI or anything but this. And I’m going to punch that Bleeker kid in the wiener the next time I see him.

 

Juno [emerging from bathroom]: I didn’t expect to see you up here.

Mark: I just came up to get something.

Juno [mock-suspiciously]: Did your wife send you up here to spy on me?

Mark: No. What, do we come off as paranoid yuppies or something?

Juno: Well. I stole a squirt of your wife’s perfume. Clinique Happy [waves sleeve around] Get a whiff of those sparkling top notes.

Mark: Hmm, is that supposed to make me feel happy?

Juno: You should feel happy, I’m giving you and Vanessa the gift of life. Sweet, screaming, pooping life and you don’t even have to be there when it comes out all covered in…

Mark: Viscera?

Juno: Blood and guts.

Vanessa: You think you’re really going to do this, then?

Juno: Yeah, yeah, I like you guys.

Vanessa: How sure would you say you are? Like, would you say you’re 80% sure, 90% sure or…?

Juno: I’m going to say I’m about 104% sure. No, seriously, if I could just have The Thing and give it to you now, I totally would but I’m guessing it probably looks like a seamonkey right now and you know, we should let it get a little cuter.

[And Ellen does this totally cute thing where she pretends to pinch her own cheek in mockery of overexcited, doting adults who torture children in this way]

 

[having a childish fight]

Bleeker: I still have your underwear.

Juno: I still have your virginity.

Bleeker: Would you shut up?

Juno: Are you ashamed that we did it? Because at least you don’t have to have the evidence under your sweater. I’m a planet.

I loved Ellen Page in this movie. She hit the right notes- Juno was snarky, belligerent, never without a quip and always rocking an attitude. But she also imbued Juno with this lovely vulnerability, and compassion, and warmth. A nasty brat is hard to love, but Juno is so much more than that, she’s a real human being with feelings and defense mechanisms and triggers. I wanted to shake her a few times when she went on the attack, but then she’d say something or show this emotion in her eyes and I’d want to hug her.

I mean, she was a real biatch to Bleeker, right? Acting all jealous that he was going to the prom with another girl, and paying him out, paying the girl out, mocking the function, trivializing their intimate encounter as nothing more than a means to alleviate boredom…she was coming off as this spiteful witch that deserved a slapping. Then she said that line about ‘at least you don’t have to have the evidence under your sweater’ and how she knew people were mocking her behind her back and suddenly you could tell how desperately she was trying to hide her fear and doubts, that this venom was because she didn’t want to lose Bleeker, but she couldn’t confess how much she needed his support, so instead, she picks a fight with him. I didn’t like her attitude to Bleeker in this scene, but I could tell where it was coming from, and I could sympathize.

Ellen did this awesome scene with Jennifer Garner where they randomly run into each other at the mall, and Juno complains about the non-stop kicking, which prompts Vanessa to shyly ask whether she could feel it. ‘Are you kidding? God, at school, everyone’s just grabbing my belly all the time, it’s crazy. But you know, I’m a legend, they call me the cautionary whale’. Uh, firstly, HEE, cautionary whale. Awesome on so many levels. Secondly, oh, the contrasting emotions in this scene make me so damn sensitive, I’d probably burst into tears at the least provocation. Juno’s the kid, Vanessa’s the grown-up, there’s a certain etiquette that’s supposed to govern their interaction. But Juno has something Vanessa wants so badly, and she’s offering it to her with no strings attached, and there is a tremendous amount of heartbreak waiting to hit her if she’s trusted blindly or something goes wrong or Juno gets cold feet like the last chick. Only, as Vanessa says, ‘a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant, a man becomes a father when he sees his baby’- sure, it’s by proxy, but V’s already emotionally connected to this unborn kid, no matter how much she’s trying to safeguard herself, to shield herself from disappointment, she’s already given her heart to the child of her dreams. And the quiet despair on her face when she can’t feel the baby kicking, the anguish when she realizes, ‘It’s not moving for me’…she’s willing to let go of her reserve and her dignified demeanor to crouch before Juno and talk to her belly in the hopes that her future child will hear her and respond. And it’s so damnably poignant when she’s drained and saddened and that look of resigned sorrow that is unreasonably lovely on certain actresses, then she feels a kick and her whole face freezes before lighting up with delight and joy and Juno’s smiling down at her, all soft and glowy. Juno doesn’t want to be a mother yet, but that is such a maternal look on her face when she sees that she’s helped make Vanessa happy. What a heartwarming moment. God, I love this movie.

[Even if I felt uncomfortable twinges of ‘OMG, PEDOPHILE- RUUUUN’ whenever Juno and Mark were bonding. *twitches*]

2. Saw Jumper. Starring that dude from the Star Wars prequel and the chick from the OC and the black dude that’s famous for his bad language on Snakes on a Plane. My verdict?

AHAHAHAHA. *dies laughing*

Look, Jacob and I were going to see Sweeney Todd. But of course, the movie that we decide upon ends up finishing its run at the cinemas the day we go in. So Jumper was the next best alternative, out of a shockingly bad list of options [Dan in Real Life…Definitely Maybe…Fools’ Gold…Kite Runner…] And Katherine came with us, because she now has a job at Safeway and earns $200 a week and can waste money on movies that she had little interest in seeing. For my part, I had a free movie ticket that expired this week and considering that I scammed the theater to acquire it, well, I had to use the damn thing or my efforts would’ve been in vain and god forbid that. I hate regrets, so I’d’ve sucked it up and seen Definitely Maybe or Fool’s Gold, probably, but thank god it wasn’t necessary.

Jumper really was entertaining, mainly because Jacob kept clutching his head in agony at the trite dialogue and literally choking whenever the characters made unconvincing declarations of love and undying devotion; and because Katherine is an awesome movie-companion and the two of us were mocking the characters and the action the whole way through. I mean, the dude turns up at the bar where this girl works, asks her to go to Rome with him, and without a second thought, without troubling herself with details of leave from work and arranging a replacement and flight times and seat availability and hotel bookings and a million other details, she agrees. Then when they get to Rome, he seduces her with his EYES because he literally walks up to her when she’s unpacking, looks at her and suddenly they’re kissing, like, out of NOWHERE, this romance springs fully grown like Athena from the head of Zeus, no development, no growth, just- they dun sex, as the saying goes. And it was shot so amateurishly- they’re ripping the clothes of each other on the bed, literally, he’s trying to tug her skinny jeans off and they end up thudding onto the floor, and kissing like crazy, and all classic youthful hormonally-directed behavior, then we flash to the next scene where they’re sight-seeing. Like, no fade to black or whatever to signify the passage of time, just- ‘and we’re moving on, ladies and gents, nothing to see here’. I suggested that perhaps Rachel Bilson had a ‘no-nudity’ clause, but Katherine came up with the brilliant theory that ‘maybe her jeans were too tight, so they had to forgo sex!’ Hee!

It was pretty dumb- David was so intellectually challenged, but it’s no fun if the characters are cautious and prudent and every plan is executed perfectly right? How is the audience to feel superior and intelligent in comparison? It was hysterical, though, he’s in this apartment hiding from a team of assassins out to kill him- he sees his mother’s picture on the walls with hate messages like ‘DIE’ and ‘KILL’ scrawled over her face, and he steps forward, out from his hiding corner, going, ‘Mom?’ and of course, he’s instantly captured. *facepalm* OMFG, what a moron. Seriously, focus on trying to stay hidden and not get killed, how hard is that? If she turned up and he was so shocked at seeing her again, maybe I could get it, but revealing himself over a picture on a wall? WTF? Although he did actually run into her in another scene- she ran into the room where he was held prisoner, gave him the key to his cuffs and told him to get out of there because her team was coming to get him. So, his mom works for the enemy, but she has enough maternal love to give him a means of escape, and instead, he runs after her, taking the chair he’s cuffed to along with him, banging off the walls and all, just to draw as MUCH attention as possible…he has no survival instinct to speak of, it’s ridiculous! But like I said, hysterically fun to watch and mock. So totally worth it. ;)

3. The ending of ‘Hannibal’, the movie, sucks. I’ve read the book, and I much prefer the real deal. But I guess it was too brave or freaky or risky for the studios to follow- it’s just a shame that the author let them ruin his work like this. I don’t know how much control authors generally have or negotiate for, but if he didn’t have veto power, then damn him for selling out in the first place.

Hannibal Lecter is the most awesome villain, and I adore how he can be utterly evil yet so urbane and cultured, so likable despite his murderous tendencies. He brought sophistication and class to villains everywhere, and what do they do to him? They CRIPPLE him. Why the hell would they think that having Lecter cut off his own hand makes a better ending than brainwashing Clarice and having her live with him? Because Hollywood likes to punish baddies and end with good triumphing, and the prospect of an FBI agent that was mindfrelled into becoming his companion horrified them, because wickedness needs to be penalized, and those who commit crimes must be emasculated? It was an ignominious end to the character, and just disgusted me so much. How can he be the great depraved Dr Lecter with only one hand? Gonna be hard for a handicapped murderer to get himself fresh victims, let alone cook them. It made him a pathetic figure, and I hate them for it.

So I got into fanfic, hoping to find something to resolve this anger and disappointment. I came across two fics that made me feel ever so wistful, because they had such good ideas:

- One suggested that he took his hand with him and reattached it- after all, he’s an accomplished doctor, and surely he could do at least a rudimentary job of maintaining the hand before getting someone else to sort it all out properly, right? Right?

- The second asked, why would he chop off his hand? That’s rather excessive. Wouldn’t it have been simpler to simply CHOP HER HAIR, which was imprisoned in the fridge door, thereby setting her free, and he could knock her out and take her with him. Obviously he had feelings for her, so keeping her captive wouldn’t have been a hardship. And on the bright side, no maiming! No disfigurement! No handicap! Damn it.

Side note: If I could name a baby girl? I’d totally name her ‘Clarice’, just because I could rasp, ‘Closer to the bars, Cla-rice…’ Heh.