'Oh, my talking bird, though you know so few words...'

[marguerite_krux]

Katherine wants me to come over for a movie night at her place. I check with mother, who tells me that I'm not allowed to go anywhere til after the exams. So I'm supposed to study from 9am-4pm, I get an hour and half with my grandmother in the afternoon and then I'm stuck at home for the evening. And that's the extent of what I charitably call a life til 20 Feb. If I didn't have LJ, god, I don't know what I'd do. At least I get some human contact. I assume you guys are all human, at any rate. :P

But yeah, it sucks that I have to turn down the one person that wants to spend time with me. Although I resent her a little because hey, she didn't have time for me November or December, and now halfway through Jan she decides to get in touch. By the time exams are over, it'll have been four months since we've hung out. Shining example of friendship, huh?

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spence_reid  tagged me a month back for this and it took me a while to realize. I love doing memes but for some reason, it takes me ages to figure out I’ve been tagged. *headdesk*

‘k, Spence didn’t get the rules- tsk tsk- so in short, the meme is to write sixteen things about yourself, tag the person who tagged you and fifteen other people, then comment on this post with a link to your own.

So. 16 things.
 

1. Fandom is my life. I couldn’t cope without it.

2. I don’t like being complimented because I know it’s not true. But I don’t like being criticized, even if it is the truth. I guess I want to believe the former but I can't, and I don't want to believe the latter, but I'm too self-aware to deny it. Alas, I haven't mastered the art of self-deception.

3. I believe that if you’re in the wrong, you should apologize and not expect to be forgiven straight away. I can’t stand people who either say sorry and think that’ll fix everything, or people who avoid the situation and won’t apologize when it was their fault and expect you to be mature and ‘get over it’ so they don’t have to unbend and admit what they did was wrong.

4. I’m addicted to vanilla coke, fantales and mi goreng. I could live the rest of my life consuming just these three items.

5. I think about killing myself every day but don’t have the guts to do it.

6. It’s lame that people pick on agnostics. People think you either have to be religious or anti-religion, and look down on you for ‘sitting on the fence’, as they put it. I think of myself as tolerant and open-minded, thank you.

7. I don’t like people that push their religions onto others, or mock those people for what they believe. For instance, I don’t believe in Scientology, but don’t ask me to diss it because I find all religions equally unbelievable. It’s all about faith, it’s that simple. Why is one implausible fantastical feat from Christianity more valid than another in Scientology? I think if you’re confident in your faith, you can accept other people’s beliefs. It’s the insecure ones that need to challenge everyone else and can’t let it go.

8. I resent the Samoan government. They appointed my grandfather to be their ambassador to Belgium, a post that was only supposed to last a couple of years. But they kept extending it for years and years, keeping him and Ma there. When he finally retires and moves to Australia to be with all his children and grandchildren, he develops cancer a few months later and dies less than two years after that. I hate the stupid ministers for taking him away from us and taking away all the time we could’ve had together.

9. I’m very shallow. When I’m in the mood, I’ll criticize perfect strangers and celebrities, and I can be very mean and scathing and judgmental. But with people I care about, I’ll suspend all questions of morality and principle and ethics and forgive them any flaw or mistake.

10. Love reading romances, but I get tired of all the sexing. No, hear me out- I agree that romances need sex, but is it too much to ask for some character development? I like fantasy/romance or sci-fi/romance or crime/romance novels because the chances are better that it’s less about how soon the main couple can screw each other and more about developing their personalities and their bond to one another.

11. I hate reading about love triangles. And rape. And tragic endings. And any previous partners that either the guy or girl may have had. I want to know about their relationship, not their exes, kthxbai. I don’t expect them to be virgins, FCOL, but I have absolutely no interest in their past romances. Also, adultery turns me off. I can't ship anyone who's in a canon relationship with another different person. Does. Not. Compute. So it's good that Hotch is now single otherwise I couldn't ship him with Emily. :D 

12. I’m not a moral person. If I can get away with something, I’ll do it.

13. Pretty people unnerve me. It feels like they’re judging me and finding me lacking, even though I try to tell myself that’s paranoia.

14. I’m terrible in social situations. I’d rather run away from someone than strike up a conversation because I get flustered and babble and don’t know how to disengage and make a graceful exit. I don’t have much in common with everyday people so it’s such a strain trying to talk to them. It’s like I operate on ‘geek’ mode 24/7 and if you don’t speak my language…

15. I don’t do relationships. I antagonize people I think I might fall for so I don’t have to deal with my feelings. But I want to be with someone. Yes, I'm contradictory. Deal with it.

16. I don't have many redeeming qualities. I'm selfish, insecure, I get jealous, I'm possessive and sensitive and easily hurt. I'm hopeless at banter. And I don't have much of a future ahead of me, the way I'm going. But I think my one positive quality is that I'm a good listener. I've been told I offer different perspectives that people haven't considered, and that I'm supportive and understanding. I wish I were good at being successful or smart or independent, but I'll take this.

I'm insecure about tagging, so I'll leave it open-ended. :P

Comments

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Hey, the precise wording of the meme rules doesn't really matter, the general aim was pretty clear. And it was a good one, I like introspective memes, so thanks for tagging me. :D

And also, thank you for your kind words, you make me smile! There's no need for qualifying it as 'only' an LJ friend, I'm a lot closer to you guys here than people in RL, and I value it more.

*hugs* I'm sorry that you think about killing yourself. I know how scary that is. Please don't kill yourself.

It's not that my life is hard or sucks or anything, I just can't seem to get out of this funk I'm in and motivate myself to achieve anything. Suicide seems the easy way out, but no, I'm much too chicken to actually try and do it, much as I fixate on it.

Deep breaths and LJ help.

Ha, no kidding! LJ is my version of therapy. And fandom is my drug that keeps me from freaking out, it calms me down, keeps me happy and focused...yes, I'm an addict, lol.

The religion thing: Amen!

*SPORFLES* What an awful pun! :D *smacks you on the head* Ha, that's so bad but so funny...