Seems that I have been held in some dreaming state, a tourist in the waking world, never quite awake

[marguerite_krux]

I'm excited! I'm now a beta for this SSHG fic, The Professor's Discretion, mwahaha!
I was moping at the diminishing amount of fic left to read, which seriously sends me into a depression every time I finish gorging on my new obsession's available fic [it was painful post-TLW, let me tell you, 'coz at least with newer ones like Mentalist and CM, etc. I'm fairly sure people will post sometime in the future but that hope ain't there with older fandoms *sniffles*] and now I have something new to fixate on. My OCD is pleased at the chance to nitpick like crazy, hee. Editing is so much easier than writing, I gotta say. >:D

---
Since I haven't tried to brainwash anyone into my beloved ship lately: [except odakota_rose. *eyes hopefully*]

A hilarious scene between headmistress!Hermione and Snape, from the amazing Splintered and Broken:

He thrust a piece of paper onto the desk in front of her.

“What’s this?” She asked, looking down at it.

“It’s my CV.”

She looked back up at him.

“Why are you giving this to me?”

“I thought that was obvious, Headmistress. I’m applying for a teaching position.”

Her smile grew wider for a second before she forced all emotion from her face.

“Very well, Mr. Snape,” she said in her best headmistress voice, “If you’ll take a seat, I can conduct the interview right now.”

He nodded and sat while she pulled out a quill and her standard list of interview questions from the desk.

"Although I must inform you that it is protocol for a person seeking employment to set up an interview in advance, not to simply show up and demand one."

"I understand; however, the past few weeks have been rather busy for me," he motioned towards the newspaper which still sat on the bookshelf, "I'm sure you understand."

"Shall we get started?"

"By all means, proceed."

She glanced down at her list of interview questions.

“Please describe your last position and your relationship to your employer.”

“I was Headmaster at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry where I tried to ensure that generations of young minds would be kept ignorant and weak. I constantly betrayed my employer. He, in turn, subjected me to the Cruciatus curse whenever he felt the whim.”

“And how did your employment there end?”

“I faked my own death.”

“Would you mind if I contacted your previous employer as a reference?”

“That's probably not a good idea since you’re supposed to be a muggle and I’m supposed to be dead.”

“And what about your employer previous to that one?”

“I murdered him," he responded bluntly.

“Moving on then…why did you decide to become a teacher?”

“The decision was forced upon me.”

“Please describe your teaching style.”

“I intimidate and terrorize the students. I pick favorites based on family connections or my own whims and ridicule the others. I grade incredibly unfairly. My goal for each class is to reduce at least one student to tears. I achieve my goal with amazing consistency.”

She was putting up an admirable fight with the smile threatening to creep its way onto her face.

“I have to be honest with you, Mr. Snape, this is the worst job application I have ever received.”

“I have no doubts.” For the first time since he had arrived that night, he allowed the corners of his lips to curl into a slight smirk.

“And yet, despite your terrible employment history and abysmal teaching record, you come into my office so smug and sure that I will offer you a job.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on her desk. His expression grew serious for the first time since he had arrived. He had, after all, come here to confess his sins. She was his confessor. He laid his soul on the table bare in front of her.

“Because part of what made Albus Dumbledore a great headmaster was his ability to see the best in people. You have always shared this ability. He could find a talent in anyone and a place for them in the world he created. He even found something that the idiot half-giant oaf Hagrid was good at. I have spent the last thirty years of my life serving one master or another. I have been forced to do unspeakable things for both. I know I’m not the most amiable, the most patient teacher. I have been treated cruelly by others and have treated others cruelly. I did what I had to do. I make no excuses. I have come here seeking…” His eyes had a far away look in then as he searched for the right word.

“Redemption?” She offered.

“In a way. I have spent my life brewing evil and destruction. I would like to create, to do something good...as cliche as that sounds. Maybe it’s too late for me. Maybe I’m too old. But I really would like to help in some way. I can only hope that you can find some place in this incredible world you have created for me.”

She leaned back in her chair, studying him with a considering eye. He knew that he had her. He had known that he had her even before he had arrived. She had always had a thing for the misunderstood, mistreated outcasts. He had seen her as a child with the house elves, with that horrendous cat of hers.

“I actually do need someone to teach upper level potions and defense. We also have some research projects going on that you would be of great assistance on." She leaned forward in her chair and looked him in the eye, "I will, under NO circumstances, let you near the younger children.”

He smirked.

“I can set up quarters for you in the building. There is also a spare lab adjoining mine. You are welcome to work with me on developing new potions and spells if you like.”

“I would like that very much.”

“And one more thing. We are having our annual beginning of the year ball this evening. Since you are now a Professor of the school, your attendance is required.”

“Very well.”

He turned to leave, reaching the door.

“There are no houses here,” she called after him.

“What did you say?” He asked, turning around.

“We don’t divide the students up into houses here. There are no house points for you to subtract.”

“You take the fun out of everything, don’t you? No torturing first years! No subtracting points from Gryffindor! Next you’ll be telling me that I can’t use unforgivable curses on my own students.”

“Severus!” She called after him, but he was already halfway down the hallway, grinning broadly. This was going to be fun.
---

I usually don't read post-Voldemorte-wins fics on general principle. [It's a category bursting with rape!fics, which tend to put me off. It's usually exploited by writers who want to indulge in dark, perverted abuse and glorious sadism, so kthxbai]

But this fic is so brilliant in the way it draws parallels between the victorious!Voldemorte era and the Ministry era, the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix [one man's terrorist is another's freedom fighter, y/y?], and familiar characters are recast in different roles. 'A lot of this story is about reoccurring patterns in a new generation', as the author says- there is Hermione as the new Dumbledore, pulling strings behind the scenes and coordinating the resistance, there is a new Severus, a new Sirius and new Harry Potter...in an unexpected but poignant way.

This fic corrects all the gender!fail of the HP!verse. It wasn't intentional, apparently, but women ended up being cast in most of the crucial roles and not in a gratuitous 'super!perfect!role-model!strong-female-character' way, not the irritating 'women are superior and males are not fit to lick their shoes' way, but in believable extensions of their canon personalities, only with all their potential explored and fulfilled. I mean, minor character Lavendar is still opposed to Hermione but written in a way that makes her POV understandable and sympathetic.

And by far, the most rewarding take is on Ginny. She's cast as this tragic character, who was never fully understood in canon, who had much more depth than we ever realized, who hid her darker streak and played the innocent because it was what Harry needed. And it's so beautifully done, it hurts.

..an image of the little girl she had been flashed across his mind.

Severus thought back...to before she had led Dumbledore's Army on their acts of midnight rebellion, to before she had taken on the darkest wizards in the Department of Mysteries...back even, to before the diary...if there even was a before the diary...

She had been possessed in her first year, so close to the beginning. He tried to think back to those first few days, few weeks of her time at Hogwarts, before the diary had started to take hold, but found that he had no memory of her from that time.

What had she been like before the diary?

Potter had gotten a quick glimpse of her on his way to Hogwarts, but by the time she arrived there herself, that girl was already gone. She had spent the rest of her time there pretending to be that girl, acting the part convincingly...for him, always for him.

---

There was a mad glint in her eye. After the incidents of her first year, everyone had insisted that she was all right, that she had recovered completely. Severus had been skeptical.

She had been possessed by a dark wizard as a first year, how could she possibly be all right? He had told Dumbledore that she needed therapy, serious therapy. Dumbledore had said she was fine and had sent her away with a mug of hot chocolate. The fool.

“Why aren’t you with him? Why aren't you with Potter?”

“He left me. They left without me, never included me in their plans. They left me to wait for them in silence and fear.”

“But you’re not waiting in silence, are you?”

“No, I’m not. I’ll fight for him even if he doesn’t want me to.”

Severus stared out the window.

“He took the wrong Weasley.”

“What?”

“He would have been better off taking you with him and leaving your brother behind.”

“Perhaps.”

He turned to face her, studying her for a moment.

“But he doesn’t know, does he?”

“Doesn’t know what?”

“He doesn’t know what you can do; he doesn’t know how powerful you’ve become.”

“No,” she said sadly, “how can I tell him? If he can’t protect his mind from Tom, how can I tell him the secret that would probably mean my life?” He could tell by the way she looked at him that he was the first person she had ever spoken to about this, the first person who she had trusted both to control their mind enough to keep her secrets and to not judge her for them.

She looked at him as if she were asking his forgiveness, as if after all of the terrible things he had done, that she would ask forgiveness from him. Maybe it wasn’t forgiveness then, maybe it was understanding. Maybe it was the need to know that someone else in her situation would have done the same thing; he would have.

“Occlumency wasn’t all he taught you, was it?”

“No. He needed me to perform magic, magic far beyond what children that age would naturally have been capable of. He pushed me into things…far before I was ready for them.” The damage that he had done was irreversible. She was no doubt very powerful, but the power she possessed was beyond her control. He had forced open her magic before she had the ability to be in command of it. Severus doubted the wizard had any idea of the damage he had done. He would have thought only of his immediate needs and not the debris left in his wake. If he had any idea of the power he had given her, she would not have been allowed to live.

There was something, something about her…a darkness, he now realized. Tom had forced her to perform dark magic, a taint she could never fully get rid of. It had become a part of her. Was that what had drawn her to Potter? The kindred darkness she saw in him? The tragedy of the situation was that for him she needed to remain pure and innocent. The one thing that could help her, to speak to him about the darkness she felt would consume her, was the one thing she could never let him know.

What struck Severus was not just her maturity, but also the depth of her understanding of the role that she needed to play. Potter needed one pure, unblemished thing in his life. He needed something to fight for. He needed to believe that if he survived this, he could have a normal life. She had understood this and had hidden her darkness from him, had hidden her power. She had pretended to be someone else and she had done it out of love for him. He believed she was the nice, innocent, girl-next-door. He had no idea.

---

Last week was a lot of fun, for a few different reasons. For one, I finally got to hang out with Jacob, an old high school friend. He and his sister, Katherine, are the only friends I've managed to make and keep for more than a year, although it's unfortunate that we only get together three or four times a year, but I'll take what I can get.

Sometimes I'm a little bitter than people in RL don't make an effort to hang out with me more often- they're the ones with social lives and jobs and I'm the one with nothing on my day planner- but it's kinda funny because when Jacob and I made plans to hang out on Friday, I regretted losing my day of internet. I'm so attached to LJ and my online life, it was like, 'Hmm, do I want to sacrifice that for real live human contact? Let me weigh up what's more important...' Lol. How antisocial am I?!

The thing with Katherine and Jacob is that you can't plan for them. They're like these irresistible forces of nature- or y'know, war. No plan survives contact with them, lol. And they're prone to spontaneous last-minute plans which drives me NUTS. Jacob called on Wednesday to see if they could pick me up in five minutes to go to town, just when I'd reached my grandmother's house, which was terrible timing. I went into my whole 'don't call just two seconds before you're about to do something, give me some warning, damn it!' but to no avail, since he ended up calling again on Thursday afternoon, the idiot. Luckily, this time I managed to get him to postpone his errands til the next day.

We were only supposed to be going to Borders and to pick up a blender, but it somehow ended up being a day-long affair. We haunted Borders and made fun of all the Twilight merchandise and mocked the blurbs of other idiotic fantasy novels out loud. So much fun. >:D He's the only person that makes hanging out at the bookstore a social event. The few others I've been with either huddle away in their corner or whinge about leaving as soon as possible, so this was a novelty!

Jacob conveniently managed to forget his card, so he scammed me into shouting his coffee at Gloria Jeans, the wretch. *shakes head* And of course, the blender was out of the question, though I did offer, being fairly sure he'd refuse, lol.

Instead of ending on a whimper, the day had only just truly begun. While browsing at JB Hi-Fi, I succumbed to fangirl pressure and decided to buy Dogma and Galaxy Quest for the Alan!Rickman!love. Jacob grabbed them from my hands and lectured me about how I didn't have a job and couldn't afford to waste money and to think carefully about whether this purchase really was necessary. Forced to face facts, I concluded it was not and trailed despondently behind him as he replaced them on the shelves.

HOWEVER, we have a happy ending! Jacob offered to burn them onto dvd for me! *twirls giddily* We ended going back to his house to pick up his card and he rented Dogma- to much fangirling from the video store chick, even though 'she never talks to us!', she made an exception to gush at how amazing the movie is- so he could burn it for me. What a friend. :D I'm terribly happy. So he might forget my birthday, who cares, I'm getting two Alan Rickman movies, yay! *bounces*

We watched a bit of it over lunch with Katherine- still in her robe at early afternoon, tsk, tsk- and then headed back to town to get that blender. I love these kinds of days, where I spend ages in a car and listen to cool music- I was like 'Have you heard of Florence and the Machine?' and he's all, 'I LOVE FLorence and the Machine! I have it on my iPod!' so we listened to that. ^_^ Afterwards, we just roamed around aimlessly, and then he shouted me coffee to make up for earlier [and this time, the people put whipped cream in my iced coffee, MMM] so really, it was such a pleasant day and I didn't feel guilty for ditching the internet. :P
---

The other high point of my week was seeing New Moon.

Surprising, I'm sure, given that I think most of you know my feelings about Twilight. Safe to say…I’m not a fan. I’m an anti-fan, actually, I find a great deal of amusement in reading essays and sporkings by people who tear it apart and expose its massive fail with wit and snark a-plenty. But the movie was a great deal of fun, even if I still have no more respect for the books than I ever did. *shrugs*

Let me be clear- I don’t have a problem with people who are hardcore fans of the series. You’re free to like whatever you want, same as me. In fact, I’m friends with a bunch of Twilight fans, it’s not like we have to face each other across this huge divide and ne’er the twain shall meet. Just like I have friends with different ships in my fandom, and we all still get along, it is possible to have one opinion and still respect a person who doesn’t share it.

Just accept that in my opinion, it is a load of rubbish demonstrating the creativity and skill of a third grader. There are huge plot holes and ridiculous twists and drama-for-the-sake-of-drama rather than logical, well-thought-out obstacles for the characters to overcome. The main character is appallingly selfish, self-absorbed and dependent, without a modicum of good sense in that empty head [which is probably why Edward can’t read her thoughts, she doesn’t have any] and displays so little respect for others or herself that it sends me into explosive fits of rage. ‘Let’s say for argument’s sake that I’m not smart’- oh, honey, it’s not just for the sake of argument, that’s a fact right there.
---




That aside, I went to see New Moon with Lisa, who is a devoted fan and owns all four books and thinks they’re shining examples of exemplary fantasy. And we both had a marvelous time!

I think the key is to go in with zero expectations, so that it can’t help but exceed them. I did not expect it to make me laugh as often as it did. And while some of the time I was just laughing at the lame-ness of it all, there were moments when it was because the script or the actors just hit the right note and performed above par.

---


Inside Bella’s head/Nightmare of Granny!Doom.

Gotta say, that field of flowers- the magical meadow where Edward and Bella lie in contorted positions all for the apparently romantic effect of gazing into each other’s eyes, which I just think if contrived and not a little creepy- has the most fake ass flowers I’ve ever seen. What was this film’s budget again? They couldn’t shell out for some decent, lifelike flowers? Or even the surreal but pretty looking ones from Pushing Daisies? CGI is your friend.

I thought Bella’s dream of being old and wrinkly was pretty understandable. The upside of the movies is that we’re spared the banal superficial whiny angst of her POV- honestly, if Edward could read her thoughts, he’d regret Bella losing her mystery, it’s painfully trivial and boring [okay, that’s age-appropriate, I admit, but don’t we want to watch someone a bit more awesome?]- and that automatically makes Bella ten times more sympathetic.

I, for one, am on her side on this issue. Edward wants to guilt her about how she’s doubting his commitment to her, blah blah blah, but he’s so not going to make out with a 60 year old granny. How’s she going to hang out with the Cullens when she’s hobbling along on a walker, all arthritic and hard of hearing or sight?

I really like Charlie. He gets rough treatment in the books- apparently needing to be taken care of like a child, completely incompetent and helpless- but he gets to be funny here. I snickered at him teasing her about spotting a grey hair. Lol. That’s NOT what Bella needs to be hearing at this point, kthxbai! Virtually EVERY character pounds the point home that she’s growing older, too old! Hee! Poor tortured Bella.

I’m not sure where I stand on Edward’s religious reasons for not turning Bella. He thinks it’ll damn her, that she’ll lose her soul. Doesn’t he consider the other Cullens his family? He loves them, right? But didn’t Carlisle go around, randomly turning them so that he wouldn’t be alone, at first, and then to provide ‘mates’ for each of them? As willful turner, depriver of souls, shouldn’t Edward loathe Carlisle? How strong are his principles if he’s willing to pal around with someone who’s violating his beliefs?

---


School parking lot.

The scene with Edward striding purposefully towards Bella makes me snicker. I mean- do these people not realize the clichés they’re proliferating? What with the whole ‘perpetually windblown’ thing happening? Edward generates his own gale of wind to blow his outer shirt away from his body to provide max ogling opportunity, I suppose so that people can dreamily anticipate what will be unveiled later on. [It’s an anti-climax. He looks like a corpse, I fail to see the attraction]

Edward: *drives that stake further through Bella’s heart*Happy birthday.
Bella: Don’t remind me.
E: Your birthday is definitely something to celebrate.
B: My aging is not.
E: Your aging? I think eighteen is a little young to start worrying about that.
B: It’s one year older than you.
E: I’m 109.
B: Well, maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I should be thoroughly repulsed.

AND HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
*gapes* Since when is she- witty? That was- pretty decent! It was by this point I realized my ticket money was definitely not a waste and that I really was going to enjoy this movie. Kristen Stewart makes Bella cooler than I thought she could be! [Let’s remember I walked in with zero expectations, though]

May I reiterate that NOT having to suffer through Bella’s inner thought processes really enhances my enjoyment of the story? I can now kinda understand why Edward thinks she’s a cool person, without the whole ‘stunning Edward is stunningly gorgeous with his angelic features that would make a sculptor weep for its sheer beauty’ and ‘oh why does this heavenly creature deign to bestow his affections on me, the lowly, plain, clumsy, average girl with no talent to speak of?’



And then the third point of the love triangle appears!

B: Jacob! Hello, biceps! You know, anabolic steroids are really bad for you.
*gigglesnort* Stop making me like you, damn it!
J: I’m just filling out. It wouldn’t seem so drastic if we hung out more.

Aww. Definitely getting the crush!vibes. I don’t know how Bella can miss them.

Her giggling is certainly unwarranted given the rather standard conversation that follows [‘you should really take a ride when it’s done’/ ‘fast?’/ ‘it’s decent’], so I don’t know if that’s her being flirty because she so knows he’s into her and she’s playing up to him, or if she’s just feeling desperate and figures when in doubt, laugh like you just heard the funniest joke ever.

J: I saw this the other day and thought of you. Catches bad dreams.

Lol. Given that he doesn’t know about her night terrors, is this his way of saying she’s a nightmare?

E: How come Jacob gets to give you a present and I don’t?
B: Because I have nothing to give back to you.
E: Bella, you give me everything just by breathing.

*bites lip* I know he’s a super creepy stalker who crosses so many lines by doing weird, wrong things like breaking into her room to watch her sleep, but that…aww!

Alice: [leaps over the railing because she is too awesome to take the stairs] Bella! Happy birthday!
B: I said no presents.
A: I’ve seen you opening it and guess what? You love it!

OMG, I love Alice so much! Can I have one of her for my very own? I need her perky, bubbly, super happy nature to give me a boost and make me believe in my inner awesomeness. She’s so blissfully happy just at moody ungrateful Bella agreeing to turn up to the party being held in her honor to celebrate her.

B: Jasper! No fair on the mood control thing.
J: Sorry. Happy- [receives death glare] never mind.
E: Can’t trust vampires. [beat] Trust me.

See, it’s these moments that make me laugh out loud. That was perfectly timed and delivered, and the juxtaposition of the comments is too funny.

---

Class

I totally missed what he said, something about Romeo dying out of ‘sheer stupidity’. Ooh, hi thar, foreshadowing! Also, is this retrospective self-awareness on Edward’s part?

I really don’t know how this movie is so mom!approved and escaped the censors’ attention. I mean, yes, there is no teenage sex, so yay on that front so far, but he stays in her bedroom at night without parental permission and now he’s advocating suicide if a relationship falls through. Seriously? You don’t kill yourself because you can’t live without someone. You do it because you can’t live with yourself.

And it’s so bloody emotionally manipulative of him- this is one of the signs of emotional abuse, you know. Claiming you’d kill yourself if the other person ever left you. How’s Bella supposed to cope with knowing that she was supposedly ‘responsible’? If he loved her, he wouldn’t put that burden on her shoulders. He claims to want to walk away for her best interests, but he does a damn good job of keeping her tethered and unable to move on.

Btw, it always amuses me how he talks about being a vampire and describes their super sekrit vampire society right out in the open where anybody could be listening in. How did they keep a secret for so many decades with Edward ‘loose lips sink ships’ Cullen walking around?

---


Vampire party of eventual fail.

If the vamps go crazy over one teensy weensy paper cut- how, as others have debated, do they cope when it’s Bella’s *cough* time of month? Edward nearly goes homicidal just sitting next to her in class- imagine if she’d had her period then, he really might’ve gone postal and slaughtered everyone.

Back to the scene. I know they slo-mo everything because our paltry human vision could not keep up with their awe-inspiring speed, but it just makes them look kinda dumb.



And it amuses me that in ‘saving’ Bella, Edward actually causes her greater harm and puts her at more risk by getting her all cut up and extra bloody. Mmm.

Also. How did Alice not see this happening?

‘k, this is just my kink for older men kicking in here, but did that scene with Carlisle seem really intimate and suggestive to anyone? I know he was stitching her up, how unromantic, but they looked like they were cuddling. I’m just sayin’.

---

So the one thing Bella wants for her birthday is for Edward to kiss her.
A) He did that before at school, so this is a special request- how?
B) Why does he look nauseous and visibly repulsed now, when he was fine with it earlier?

Gotta say, a guy looking like he’s gonna throw up would make me bloody insecure. How does she cope? No wonder she’s all kinds of messed up.

They definitely needed a soundtrack for this scene. It was unsexy in so many ways. I don’t think that this counts as romance, y’know? More like bizarre social experiment. At least music would’ve made it more interesting and less gross.

---

The music as Bella dramatically folds over her photo to hide herself and display Edward [at least, that’s what I think is happening at this point] is really beautiful. Who is it, anyone?

---


The breakup scene of epic!fail.

‘k, this is the kind of thing I mean when I talk about how crappy it can get. The acting is painfully bad here. Kristen Stewart doesn’t have a handle on emotional breakdowns. She just looks blank and out of it, mostly, then rather constipated. Where is the anguish? Where is the heartbreak? Where is her soul being crushed and inner light being snuffed out and all that jazz?

Instead, we have her pitifully trailing him through the Forbidden Forest and then crumpling into a heap. Not even that is done well. I mean, she just kinda- lets gravity take hold of her and gently paws at the earth and then snuggles deeper into the dirt and leaves. WTF. How hard is it to collapse and wail and convey some damn suffering? It was like she just got tired while out for a walk and decided to take a nap in the middle of nowhere. My god, it’s awful.

I honestly don’t see any chemistry between the pair in the break up scene. For all their determined eye-contact, it’s just flat and not half as exciting and tension-building as the Sparky eye!sex of SGA. They’re going through the motions and not really connecting the dots, just following direction without imbuing it with any spirit or energy. Yawn.

---

I don’t know about you, but if I saw a missing girl being carried by a half-naked man, would you flail just a little? Despite how irrational it is that a pervert would assault her and then return her unconscious body to safety, wouldn’t you be just the slightest bit concerned about the impropriety of it all?

The fact that nobody questions the fact that these dudes are roaming around [like a ‘troupe of male strippers on a nature retreat’, as critics put it, lol] just makes it all the more glaringly questionable. The writers needed to ‘hang a lantern on it’, as Marty explain in SG-1’s 200. You have a character question something just so that the audience knows that the writers know it’s a little off but what the hey, and then everyone can move on.

---

Bella’s Self-Imposed Isolation of Pointless Despair.

This is where her innate selfishness pisses me off. I can understand moping in her room all alone for sixth months straight. But for god’s sake, why is she dramatically sitting at the old Cullen table on her lonesome, staring bleakly out the window? It’s pathetic. And it’s the kind of thing that makes a statement on camera but no sense in real life. Who would do that, honestly?

[Ignoring the fact that I put a newspaper aside for Marina in her old office every day for a few months despite the obvious fact that she wasn’t returning, just because it was a tradition I was clinging to desperately in the wake of her absence. It’s not the same]

Charlie: It’s just not normal, this behavior. And quite frankly, it’s scaring the hell out of me.

*g* Right on, parental attention!

Bella lies, badly, about arranging a play-date and he buys it. *sigh* Well, that was shortlived. It’s amusing to me that she calls up Jessica and goes, ‘It’s Bella. Bella Swan.’ Like she’s been out of circulation for so long that people don’t remember her anymore, lol.

---

It’s extremely irritating that my crappy mp3 player decided to fail on me and skip recording the entire Jacob romance subplot. I mean, the timing was eerily perfect- it didn’t kick in again til the point where she confronts him post-fur!splosion, after he’s gone hostile and sabotaged their budding romance. I think my mp3 is a closet Bella/Edward shipper. *eyes it suspiciously*

So I shall gloss over what I do recall.

I didn’t expect to like their interaction so much. From what I recall of the book- honestly, Bella does herself such a disservice as narrator, she comes off as such a shrew, with no empathy or remorse- I hated the way she used him and led him on even though there was no chance that she could ever care for him the way he wanted her to. It was all about using him to try and nearly kill herself so that she could communicate with Edward [how does that remote communication thing happen anyway?] and about distracting herself from her own misery and totally not about him at all.

---
Quoting from the cleolinda recaps, for they are brilliant and life-affirming:

Chapter 9:
I was like a lost moon--my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation--that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.
Wow, I sure want my theoretical daughter to think of herself as a satellite to a man.

I sighed. "You shouldn't waste [your time] on me," I said, though I wanted him to.
Oh, of all the selfish, passive-aggressive fuckwittery...

Chapter 11:
Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?
I swear to God, Bella, if you try to take up Jacob out of pity, since it's obvious that Edward's going to come back and you're going to drop Jacob like a rock, I'm going to invent a way to reach into this book and pimp-slap you.
---

But the movie fixes that. We see a montage of their burgeoning relationship- the pizzas, the lengthy conversations, them two just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. And when he challenges her, asks what she would’ve done if he couldn’t fix her motorcycle, afraid and defiant and dreading what her answer would be…it’s such a lovely moment when she tells him that she would’ve just come up with something else for them to do together. Bella acts like a good friend, shock horror!



I really enjoyed seeing them and Mike at the movies. I felt so bad for him agreeing to see an action/horror movie when it was the last thing he wanted, and then throwing up, poor guy. But it did allow for a hilarious moment of one-upmanship from Jacob, ‘Marshmallow…I laugh at the gore that makes lesser men vomit’. AHAHA! Dude, I adore you just a teensy bit!



That scene on the stairs where he holds her hand and she pulls back, physically and emotionally. *winces* I can’t pick a side, they’re both equally sympathetic and guys, I never thought I could feel for Bella, so this is a huge deal for me. There have been hints that he cares for her as more than a friend [like when the other kids were teasing him that he called her his ‘girlfriend’ but she didn’t make an issue of it, just put them in their place with a gently mocking comment that highlighted their own lack of love life] but she didn’t lead him on or encourage him, she always kept things on a platonic level.



And when the point of no return arrives…she tells him plain and simple, in a melodramatic but heartfelt manner, that it won’t work, that she just can’t, all, ‘I’m not a motorcycle, you can’t fix me and make me work better’. She’s got her issues to deal with and she’s not good for him in her current state. Fair enough. I have a lot of respect for her not stringing him along just to make her feel better. I loved her putting her head on his shoulder. There is chemistry between Kristen and Taylor, no matter what the Robsten die-hards might say in denial. They click together well at this emotionally charged scenes.

I have to say, though, I feel quite sorry for Bella. She has two guys promise that they’ll be there for her and they’d never hurt her, only to promptly turn tail and abandon her. For her own safety. [That’s one plot device that never fails to make me scream with fury- the ‘it’s for your own good’ line, ugh!]

---

To add some meaty plot to this soap!fest, Bella heads off on a trip down memory lane to the meadow where she and Edward gazed adoringly at each other and exchanged spectacularly banal and groan-inducing dialogue.



[E: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
B: Stupid lamb.
E: Sick, masochistic lion.]

Sadly, we are greeted with a visual of dead land, all the flowers dead or mowed down, I’m not sure which. Bella falls dramatically to her knees to paw at some grass in her despair. Then Laurent turns up! Yay drama!

L: Do the Cullens visit often?
Holographic!Edward: Lie.
B: Yeah, all the time.
Holographic!Edward: Lie better.

*gigglefit* I love this movie. It keeps defying expectations and rising to new heights of hilarity and win.



‘k, the part where Laurent’s making his death threat. I’m not sure if Kristen’s just really lousy at doing intense emotions like anguish and fear or if she deliberately downplayed it to portray Bella as stoic and resolute in the face of danger. Because there is a distinct lack of emotion as she prepares to die. It’s almost like she knows there’s a pack of werewolves lurking in the bushes, preparing to bound to the rescue!

So once again, she cheats certain death. And once again, she receives an illicit late-night male visitor in her bedroom. Oh, what sleazy minds would make of this- particularly as he’s half dressed. I kinda love that Bella takes these random opportunities to just stroke him and admire how sculpted his body is, lol. I’m not into pedophilia, but I can appreciate the eye candy.



Jacob has taken over Edward’s role of neurotic dude with bizarre mood-swings. He’s heartfelt and remorseful, disdainful and secretive, pleading with her to remember, to put the pieces of the puzzle together…honestly, if she can figure out Edward’s a vampire just from google, how hard is it to realize what Jacob’s on about when she already knows the legend?!

One more quote from cleolinda, because it made me shriek out loud with laughter:

---
Chapter 11: He's a WEREWOLF, BELLA. Do we need to get Snape in here to get it through your head?
---

I just watched Prisoner of Azkaban, lingering on all the Snape scenes, so this is amazingly well-timed. ‘Page three hundred and ninety-four!’ He kept drumming that into people’s heads, and then assigning them an essay all to do with identifying werewolves…hee, that makes the reference above just so super damn awesome.

---

I have to say, the werewolves do a crappy job of keeping their secret. I mean, the Cullens have managed it for decades [except for Bella but she’s a special snowflake so that doesn’t count] but one little girl slaps a big brawny dude with rippling biceps who could snap her like a twig with his pinkie and he feels compelled to transform to take her down in wolf form? Really?

Bella is so much more witty and feisty in the movie! I know I’m flogging a dead horse by this point, but the woman goes, ‘So, you’re the vampire girl’ and Bella does a double-take, then wryly states, ‘So…you’re the wolf girl.’ Nicely done. So much more amusing and less cringeworthy than:

She complained lightly about the increase in the boys' appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see she didn't mind taking care of them. It wasn't hard to be with her--after all, we were both wolf girls now.
Again, I sure want my theoretical daughter to define herself by what kind of man she's with.

Wolf boy #1: Alpha’s orders get obeyed whether we want to or not. Oh and check it out, we can hear each other’s thoughts.

Wolf boy #2: Would you shut up? These are trade secrets! Damn it! This chick runs with vampires.

Bella: You can’t really run with vampires. ‘coz they’re fast.

Oh, Kristen, great delivery. It’s so lame and self-deprecating because she knows it’s lame but can’t help cracking that joke anyway. I find it much more satisfying to laugh with this movie than at it. It’s freaking me out a little…

Btw? I’m also disturbed by the whole domestic violence thing- that casual acceptance that a werewolf is easily provoked and could maul the face off a loved one and it’s nothing to be concerned about because she cares about him, so no big. Just don’t stare at her scars because HE GETS UPSET. Seriously? *gags* Smeyer, there are no words for your fail. I’m disgusted, just so you know.

---

I love the music in this movie.

I also love Victoria. For shallow reasons, I admit, I can’t claim to liking her for her personality since I’ve barely heard her deliver two lines of dialogue.



I just think she’s pretty, and she’s so graceful! The way she evades the wolves and moves through the forest, it’s poetry in motion. GUH. I could watch her on the run for ages… Plus she wants to kill Bella. Just ‘coz I’m less of a hater and more of a fan doesn’t mean I automatically dislike anyone out for her blood, y’know. I’m in the habit of cheering them on, it’s too ingrained by now!



The hunt for Victoria fortuitously leads Jacob to be on hand to pull Bella’s ass out of the sea when her crazy need for an adrenaline rush nearly turns fatal as the waves threaten to dash her brains out against the rocks. [‘Next time we’ll hire professional waves’] Would’ve served her right to end up paralyzed from the waist down, but of course she survives perfectly intact, with nary a sniffle to hint at her ordeal.

---



Ooh, Alice! I love her so much, she totally deserves to be the star of her own movie! *squishes*

A: Why the hell were you trying to kill yourself?! What about Charlie, what about-
B: I didn’t try to kill myself. I was cliff-jumping. Recreationally. It was- fun.

*g* Another example of how the movie is more awesome than the book. Bella sounds perfectly aware of how crazy she sounds and how dubious her judgment was and trails off guiltily. Kristen does such a good job of redeeming her.

A: I have never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy!

*dies laughing* Marry me, Alice! I don’t deserve your awesome but I could so use you in my life!

A: Bella, what is that godawful wet-dog smell?

J: I had to make sure you were safe.
A: Well, I’m not going to hurt her.
J: No, you’re just a harmless Cullen. I’m talking about the other blood-sucker that’s trying to kill her because of you.
A: Victoria? I didn’t see her. I didn’t see you get pulled out of the water either…*turns on Jacob* I can’t see past you and your pack of mutts!

ZING! :D

B: You’re not going anywhere- you’re going to come back?
A: As soon as you put the dog out.

LMAO! She is so hilarious with her prim and proper tones and her snide put-downs. Dear god, she is amazing! Why can’t everyone be this awesome?

Oh, Jacob. You stupid blind boy. I get him being an ass and hanging up on Edward because he can’t stand the competition. But to order Bella to stay behind? To plead with her to let Edward go and kill himself? Not his finest moment. He never really had a chance with her, but that clinched it. Forcing her to choose between the two of them is a fool’s gambit, because ‘it’ll be him’. *shakes head sadly* I hate hate HATE when people issue ultimatums, it never ever ends well. Why is it so hard for people to frakking compromise?! For that matter, why is it so hard to treat the people they love with kindness and compassion? If he truly loved her, he would do what was best for her even if it hurt him. Otherwise, it’s just selfish and childish and really low of him.

---

I never really understood why Alice couldn’t go talk him down. She’s all ‘Bella, you’re the only one he can’t see coming. If I go, he’ll read my thoughts and think I’m lying…’ Well, if she goes ‘hey, Edward, Bella’s alive, why don’t you hold off on the suicide mission?’ wouldn’t he feel the slightest inclination to put it off til another day? The Volturi would be perfectly happy to execute him on any occasion he demonstrates a stunningly stupid lack of self-preservation. It seems a paper-thin excuse to put the burden on Bella’s shoulders just to amp the tension.



How does he not see her coming?! Honestly, don’t vampires get super!senses? Like enhanced vision and hearing and most of all, SCENT? Gah! But all ends well, she tackles him before the crowd can catch a glimpse of his unsightly chest, thank god. I don’t know why RPattz is such a sex symbol, his naked torso is a ghastly sight. He’s all corpse-like and icky and- *shudders*

I hate the kissing scenes. It never seems realistic. If they are a couple, they sure do a good job of hiding it, the kisses are awkward and almost unpracticed. It’s embarrassing. But at least we get some music in the background, because it was really cringe-worthy earlier when I had to endure the supposed romance of the moment without any music to distract me.
---



I’m so disappointed the Volturi played such a teensy part in this movie. I wanted way more of the Dakota!awesome. I really liked Jane, more for the way Dakota played her than anything because we barely got to see her. *pouts*



Her power is kickass, though. *evil smirk* I just adore the cold, composed characters that are all about internal rather than external acting, it’s more about what they let slip in moments when their control wavers- like when she’s all ‘this may hurt just a little’ but her power fails to affect Bella and she gets this cute wrinkle of consternation on her face- rather than ‘heart on the sleeve’ types where every thought is telegraphed plain and clear. *yawns*


Oh, god, Alice’s vision is so laaaaame. Edward and Bella look really dreadful and cheesy and not all that attractive, ack. But maybe I’m biased because this leads to the most godawful so-called cliffhanger of all time:

And one more time!

SHE WANTS TO BE A VAMPIRE BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? IT'S NOT HIGH ON HER LIST OF PRIORITIES? SHE'S TOTALLY COOL WITH BEING A VAMPIRE FOREVER BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? "I'm only eighteen" BUT SHE WANTS TO DIE? I DON'T--WHAT--AUGH?

I am so stunned by Bella's bizarro double standards that I don't even have time to deal with the shitty way she treats her father. *head desk desk desk*

"If you stay, I don't need heaven." The fundies get upset about Harry Potter but not THIS?

Also, also, from the third book sporking, because it sums up how ridiculous this contrived, fake-ass drama is:

Oh Lord, Bella's decided that she wants to lose her virginity before she becomes a vampire. But he won't do that if they're not married! But she won't marry him if he won't let her become a vampire! But she won't let him make her a vampire unless he takes her cherry first! Dude, it's like that riddle about the fox and the goose and the bag of wheat trying to cross the river on a boat made for two.

---

Vidspam.

Comments

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I've actually taken under serious consideration reading Twilight, so I can know for myself if it sucks or not. Everyone seems to have an opinion on it, though I find a large majority of the haters that I know personally, have never even cracked the book's spine. It's too much for me, everyone talking about it. I want to know what the hype, negative or positive, is all about. Of course I have the attention span of a tsetse fly so who knows how this will go but I want to try.....if it sucks for me I will know quickly.

This? I swear to God, Bella, if you try to take up Jacob out of pity, since it's obvious that Edward's going to come back and you're going to drop Jacob like a rock, I'm going to invent a way to reach into this book and pimp-slap you. is probably the best thing ever. It made me LOL for much longer than it probably should have.

*squeezes you* because I can.

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Dude, I only read the book because of the hype and I wanted to know what it was about [Jacob regifted me with it, which is cooler than it sounds, since the library had over a hundred people in line for it- I shudder to think I might've wasted actual money on it, gah!] so it was an interesting experience. I went in with certain expectations- coherent plot, interesting main character, non-lame dialogue- and it failed all of them. But if you read it for the LULZ, then you might enjoy it.

And heck, there are millions of people that like it for itself, so who knows, you might become a genuine fan.

But you should seriously consider seeing the movies, bb! The characters are funnier and more entertaining onscreen than on the page!

*gigglesnort* Oh, cleolinda's sporking is made of EPIC WIN. You should just read her summary of the books and decide from that whether you want to read the actual book.

http://cleoland.pbworks.com/Twilight#Bookdiscussionentries

*tacklehugs you* ^_^

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I'll wait until I attempt the book before reading her commentary. But you gave me a brilliant idea......the library. I have a library card. Why should I spend money on it when I can rent it? It came out forever ago, there shouldnt be a waiting list anymore. And if it is, then I'll buy it.

I would have to think long and hard, and possibly have frontal lobotomy, before considering seeing the films. I'm a snob that way : )

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

*pouts* Oh, fine, if you MUST be logical about it. :P I just find her so amazingly funny, it's like a personal insult to me when people won't read it, lol. But I do agree it'd make more sense to see commentary on a subject AFTER familiarizing yourself with said subject. *nods*

And yes, I am given to moments of sheer genius. Yay me!

Also. Lol. You snob indeed! It isn't just prejudice against movie adaptations in general, is it? 'coz I remember waxing eloquent over Sense and Sensibility with you. So what's holding you back with Twilight? *iz curious*

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I'm mostly holding back on Twilight because I rarely do teen flicks and I dont believe that any of the people in it are very talented. That's just my super snotty opinion. I'm not overly fond of book adaptation unless the screenplays are written by someone hose work I respect, they get the right actors, and the right directors.......Sense and Sensibility truly is a trifecta.

[dragonladyk.livejournal.com]

It came out forever ago, there shouldnt be a waiting list anymore.

A seemingly logical assumption, but in most libraries not true.

I'm also obligated to warn you that you will never get the time you spend reading this piece of epic fail back. Those minutes will be gone forever.

Sometimes I swear this book only exists to prove that badfic online is not the bottom of the fictional barrel.

DragonLady

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I've changed my mind about the reading the book anyway. In the end, interesting commentary for and against the series made me realize, I dont care that much. What's popular with the masses on a whole is so not my thing and I thought for a moment I might be interested and then realized, yeah I'm not. So thanks but I'm done with that train of thought. I have a large stack of books right here in front of me that I'm interested in and need to tackle.

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

*squishes* Narrow escape!

I remember this banner that used to hang in my school library- 'What is right is not always popular; what is popular is not always right', lol. Seems appropriate...

It really bugs me that Smeyer's so popular and rolling in the dough for such an awful, badly-written, poorly-plotted series when so many more deserving authors languish in anonymity. *sighs*

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I swear this book only exists to prove that badfic online is not the bottom of the fictional barrel.

So true! *nodnod* I thought badfic was the worst kind of fail in the history of mankind, but oh no. Pretty much 90% of fanfic is superior to this series.

I find it ridiculous that all these parents fell over themselves praising this book because of the 'no-sex-before-marriage' rule and totally disregard the overwhelming craptasticness of it in general.

[luisa-f.livejournal.com]

So you've seen it, do tell, is there too much Failcob?

I have to say, the werewolves do a crappy job of keeping their secret

That's because the dogs are stupid, have I mentioned how much I hate those werewolves?

It amuses me greatly that you've seen the movie before I do.

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I was so predisposed to hating 'Failcob' that it shocked me greatly to actually...*gasp*...like him.

Yes, he's gets nasally and pushy and is just SO OBVIOUS it kills me [I know I can't be the only person that ever mastered subtlety as a teen] but he was genuinely funny at certain points. When Edward was out of the picture and he was courting Bella, he was kinda sweet and supportive and easy to tolerate. It was in the latter half when he returned to typical obnoxious bratty form. *sighs*

I get it, he's losing his love interest but COME ON. Telling her what she's allowed or not allowed to do with her life? When it's none of his damn business? ['k, so Edward does it all the time, but she's willingly in his thrall so it's a little different] And the whole 'let the vampire kill himself out of remorse for something he wasn't even responsible for' disgusted me soooo much.

Hee, the werewolves- ohh, they're so cute! They're all fluffy and I just want to stroke them! Totally not menacing at all. *g*

I thought they were kinda funny, although it really bugs me how Smeyer's excusing domestic violence because it's 'their nature' and they're remorseful afterward, so nearly killing someone is okay. Why do you hate them?

Well, weren't you having second thoughts about it 'coz you hate the actor so much? You had more reasons NOT to see it. Look, he's a major player in this movie, there's no escaping that and if you can't stand to hear his voice or see his face, it's gonna be painful for you. But...what I do is just treat everything as a joke so that it doesn't bug me as much as it otherwise would, y'know? It helps cover the fail and I get more enjoyment out of it. *nodnod*

PS. The vamp high council scene is about two minutes long, so if they're the main attraction for you, then be prepared for that, 'coz I was really disappointed.

[luisa-f.livejournal.com]

And he gets worse in the third book, I didn't hate him in New Moon, he was just boring (I can't help it, I find the werewolves so friggin' boring) and broody and pushy but in Eclipse he crosses the douchebaggery line twice and then pees on it.

Jacob is a manipulative bastard of the first kind, I don't know if you've read Eclipse so I'll try not to spoil you, but some of the stuff he pulls in that book is text book emotional black mail.

The only werewolf I like is Leah Clearwater, and SMeyer treats her like shit. The werewolves are just lame, but what really squicked me about them was the pedo aspect, the imprinting, it's disgusting. And they're so violent and what Sam did to Emily, and the way they shake when they're going to turn it's ridiculous. They just huge fluffy drama queens.

Yeah, the Volturi part was a small part of the book too, IMO they should have cut half the shit with Failcob and given that screen time to Jane alone, the movie would have improved 90%.

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Oh, damn. I'd hoped I was remembering wrongly and that Jacob was written cooler in the movies but it must've been the third one I'm remembering- I can't recall specifics but I just recall hating his stupid guts. Doesn't he push her around physically or try to kiss her or something?

Seriously, the guys after her might be attractive and fascinating, what with the supernatural aspects, but they are so baaaad for her. They both emotionally abuse her, it's ridiculous. But yeah, the violence of the werewolves is more of a turn off.

This amused me:
Interesting difference between vampires and werewolves re: the women who love them: Vampire danger is sexy. Werewolf danger is disfiguring. Guess we know who Bella's gonna end up with!

*gigglesnort*

ACK, THE IMPRINTING! Oh dear god, that is so SQUICKY and HORRIFIC. I mean, WTF? There is no free will, how gross is that?! And the fact that Jacob imprints on Bella's brat! OMFG, that is the WORST TWIST EVER. *bashes head against wall*

Dude, no kidding, we needed Jane a heck of a lot more to amp up the awesomeness factor, but noooo. *pouts* Would it kill them to be less love triangle of epic fail, more plotty plot? >:[

[luisa-f.livejournal.com]

Yes, he kisses her and then when she punches him and breaks her hand makes fun of her, because you know how lulzy it must be to see the girl you supposedly love break her hand trying to show you her displeasure.

And then of course it the threatening to get himself killed unless she tells him she loves him. SMeyer is seriously fucked up because when Jacob was this caring friend who was in love with her Bella wouldn't give him a second thought, but turn him into a manipulative abusive asshole and suddenly she is torn?

Jacob imprints on Bella's ovaries, it cannot get more pedo than that.

It puzzles me that SMeyer could have created something like the Volturi. It leads me to think she should try her hand at writing that backstory because the parts she dedicates to the vampires are actually much better than the whole love story stuff.

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, THAT scene. Okay, I'm feeling ashamed, I should've known that Smeyer would find a way to ruin the character beyond appreciation. He seemed so adorable at times in New Moon, but there's no way they can redeem him from that unless they cut the scene altogether. *iz squicked*

It's one thing with Edward and Bella because she LOVES him and would let him do ANYTHING to her [even if it's totally emotional abuse but whatever], but for Jacob to force himself on her and get a kick out of her being injured defending herself? Gross. I'd've been sympathetic if he nobly stood aside because he cared about her happiness more than his own, but no, he's gotta be a douchebag. Grr.

when Jacob was this caring friend who was in love with her Bella wouldn't give him a second thought, but turn him into a manipulative abusive asshole and suddenly she is torn?

*gigglefit* That is perfect, that right there! Hee...Bella's mentally unstable or something, she can only hold affection for screwed up bastards who treat her badly.


Jacob imprints on Bella's ovaries, it cannot get more pedo than that.

*dies laughing* Stop, stop it, my ribs can't take it...oh, dude, I kinda wish you could publish a book of sarcastic comments on the series! [Like that Nightlight parody book which I am totally getting as soon as Christmas rolls around and I get a voucher. *nodnod*]

t leads me to think she should try her hand at writing that backstory because the parts she dedicates to the vampires are actually much better than the whole love story stuff.

Ah, but that would require her to come up with actual drama and plot, instead of just using them as a plot convenience to propel the love story along. They don't exist as entities in their own right, just a contrivance to add some angst to the Edward/Bella angsty love machine. *eyeroll*

[kat-rowe.livejournal.com]

loved the HP passages. better than the source material :)

sounds like you had fun with Jacob & yay! for the new DVDs *glees*

i honestly only skimmed the New Moon review you provided because i read parts of the first 2 books (vetting them for my niece who, bless her little soul, decided they were dreck) and they left me so digusted i gave up. it's going to sound awful but I hope Stephanie Meyer grew up in an abusive household because, if she's not promulgating those attitudes from a mindset of a person who doesn't know men and women can be another way, she's going straight to hell for putting that shit out there where impressionable girls can see it (their parents have some responsibility for making sure they read them, too, and discuss them with their children, but she carries the main onus) ... i refuse to have more to do with the franchize than i have to. but, i am a fangirl of other franchizes so i am obliged to ask: How was Christopher Heyerdal? (played Marcus)

"Oh Lord, Bella's decided that she wants to lose her virginity before she becomes a vampire. But he won't do that if they're not married! But she won't marry him if he won't let her become a vampire! But she won't let him make her a vampire unless he takes her cherry first! Dude, it's like that riddle about the fox and the goose and the bag of wheat trying to cross the river on a boat made for two."

lmfao... it is insanely contrived and stupid even before the way abusiveness is excused is factored in ... how this is the "cultural" successor to Harry Potter (not nearly the hot shit it was made out to be either but still better) is beyond me

but, seriously, how was Christopher Heyerdal?

*hugs you*

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

*tacklehugs* I'm glad you read and liked them. Plus, this:
better than the source material :)
makes me so squeeful! I know I should be grateful to JKR for providing the characters that make me so happy but she just- screwed them over so badly. It's a relief to see them treated properly by some talented writers. *sighs contentedly* Even if I did cry a bit during that fic, lol.

Severus thought back...to before the diary...if there even was a before the diary...

*bites lip* One of the most poignant bits was about Ginny, a character I never had any particular fondness for in canon, but this totally changed my view of her. The way she never really had a chance, her life was ruined before she got a chance to fully live at all.

Potter had gotten a quick glimpse of her on his way to Hogwarts, but by the time she arrived there herself, that girl was already gone. She had spent the rest of her time there pretending to be that girl, acting the part convincingly...for him, always for him.

I always thought that JKR should've had Harry and Ginny bond over their mutually scarring experiences with Voldemorte, like, that at least would've shown something in common that could help them grow closer and make a relationship less WTF, but now I can see a reason why it never happened like that. So sad.

yay! for the new DVDs *glees*

IKR?! *twirls* It's like a life-long voucher for my forgiveness no matter what happens, because I can totally be bought and appealing to my fangirl nature will do the trick, lol.

Wow, your niece is so smart to reject the books! I was afraid it'd suck in all the little ones but at least she escaped. *shudders* I can see how the books would be appealing and I'm all for escapist fantasy, but it's so poorly written, with such flat characters and tepid plot that I can't understand how people get obsessed over it, let alone totally buy into the terrible attitudes and practices she endorses. *iz squicked*

it's going to sound awful but I hope Stephanie Meyer grew up in an abusive household because, if she's not promulgating those attitudes from a mindset of a person who doesn't know men and women can be another way, she's going straight to hell for putting that shit out there where impressionable girls can see it

*snorts* 'k, yah, sounds awful but I get where you're coming from. Still, if there was any abuse in her background, it's been kept quite hushed up and she's apparently quite happily married with three sons, so she has no excuse except ignorance. *eyeroll* She's probably led such a pampered life that she can't see how the things she writes about apply to real life situations and how it can be so destructive with real people.

I am so SAAAAD. Christopher Heyerdahl was one of two reasons I wanted to see this [the other being Dakota Fanning] and he was in the background of the two scenes he was in, and only had one or two lines! *pouts* I am severely disappointed. So yeah, you're not missing out on much. He might have a larger part in the next movie or the fourth, but nothing here. *sighs*

[kat-rowe.livejournal.com]

JK was a hack but I can't complain too much since she got young boys reading. But she loses points for paving the way for the Twilight "saga" so it's kind of a wash ... so's the fandom. some tremendous writers and fans have really, really improved on it but there's just SO much dreck that you want to go all Oedipus and gouge your own eyes out

she screwed over all of her characters royally in terms of making them too one-dimensional and then she heaped scorn on admirable characters and adjulated despicible ones (Harry was a punk and Dumbledore was a manipulative asshat; Snape deserved better than he got and even Lily stops being likable when she takes up with James after what he did to Snape). I could go on but it'd only raise my blood-pressure

*pets your fangirlish self* it's all good. fandom has done such wonderful things for me in terms of making me friends and, honestly, boosting my self-esteem (both by having friends and by hearing that my writing has merit) ... plus it's been scientifically illustrated that people who are strongly involved in fandoms have higher objective levels of contentment

do not get me started on Twilight. there's so much wrong with the franchize and the attitudes presented are just hateful *burns S Meyer in effigy*

ah, well. at least I can feel better about not bothering with teh movie if there's no Christopher H *rubs his head for luck*

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

it's kind of a wash ... so's the fandom. some tremendous writers and fans have really, really improved on it but there's just SO much dreck that you want to go all Oedipus and gouge your own eyes out

*g* Firstly, wow, I hear Oedipus and the first thing I think of is the icky incest factor. He actually gouged his eyes out? Whoa...here I thought it couldn't get more grotesque. *iz squicked*

Secondly, well, to be fair [!] I think it's that way with all fandoms. I don't know any one fandom that stands out in terms of having consistently talented authors and worthwhile fics. If there is, I haven't found it yet, I've come to resignedly expect the dreck and be pleasantly suprised by the awesome.

she screwed over all of her characters royally in terms of making them too one-dimensional and then she heaped scorn on admirable characters and adjulated despicible ones (Harry was a punk and Dumbledore was a manipulative asshat; Snape deserved better than he got and even Lily stops being likable when she takes up with James after what he did to Snape).

YES, YES, YES.
*bounces off the walls*
ITA x infinity.
Also, my love for you keeps expanding beyond reason. I think it's officially defying all the laws of physics, lol.

I had enough reasons to dislike Harry for being a whiny brat with no common sense or gratitude but I came across a critique of his behavior in HBP that sanctions my belief that the last two books should be disregarded as part of the series because it's just so dramatically different in nature. It's a totally new beast and doesn't match up with any of the previous books in style or character treatment.

Anyway, the bit that caught my attention was how Harry snuck around under the Invisible Cloak and hexed Filch in the corridors. This is our HERO. A young, energetic teen with magical powers stalking and tormenting an elderly caretaker with not a spark of magic and absolutely no way of defending himself. I am so utterly disgusted. Before, Harry was just an annoying damn idiot but JKR really degraded everyone in the last two books by bringing out the worst in them and highlighting their faults but still acting as though they were paragons of virtue. How blind was she?!

plus it's been scientifically illustrated that people who are strongly involved in fandoms have higher objective levels of contentment

Are you kidding? 'coz that'd be so cool if it was true! I can totally see it, I'd be this miserable antisocial loner if I didn't have LJ and all you guys. *squishes* I just feel so happy after chatting with everyone. Feeling accepted and part of a community...yeah, amazing feeling.

And now and then I have IM sessions with odakota_rose that go on for like, four hours or so. ^_^ There's no way I could talk to someone in RL that way, there is just no equivalent.

there's so much wrong with the franchize and the attitudes presented are just hateful *burns S Meyer in effigy*

*throws effigy onto a bonfire and dances around like a maniac*
Lol.

at least I can feel better about not bothering with teh movie if there's no Christopher H *rubs his head for luck*

Hee! I'm so confused by his head, though, is he actually bald and wears a wig for the movie or does he shave his head and grow it out randomly or what? *confuzzled*

[kat-rowe.livejournal.com]

yes, lol. Oedipus is routinely portrayed by Classical sources as having gouged out his own eyes when he realized that Jocasta was his mother as well as his wife (he had no clue she was since it was a political marriage and they weren't even from teh same country). he then spent years wandering the earth in self-imposed exile accompanied only by his loyal daughter (no squick there) Antigone while his two sons fought to the death for his throne. and i thought my family had issues...

I suppose you're right about fandoms in general being wierd. I won't even get into this little subculture I accidentally found in the Sanctuary fandom a few weeks ago. I felt like showering with a metal-toothed scrub brush and a bottle of Chlorox *shudders and clings to Will, begging him for support, therapy, and psych meds*

I'm glad I keep impressing you with my impressiveness ;p It's like I'm Magnus and you're Will *is obsessed*

*nods* I could have taken a darker Harry given everything he's suffered through and he still could have been a tragic hero. But instead he took on this malicious edge that just killed it for me (and this is from a chick who LIKES darkness and moral ambiguity)

I don't joke about fandom. This particular study focuses on TV but I've seen others that focus on books http://www.world-science.net/othernews/090422_tv.htm and you'll notice that those benefits are before you factor in the increased socialization of actually being active in a fandom which I've seen research on as well (feeling you belong to a specific ingroup increases contentedness and decreases feelings of anxiety and inadequacy ... it's a true fact; i used to be a Social Psychologist's research assistant)

fandom is good and people are starting to come around to that way of thinking instead of the previous decade's "oh, the internet will be the downfall of civilization!!! People don't even have to leave the house for SEX any more!!!" wailing and gnashing of teeth *rolls eyes*

i have made so many friends via fandom that I never would have met otherwise. and that's good for you physically as well as mentally

*dances with you and burns more effigies of Meyers, chanting about how REAL vampires don't sparkle*

Chris has hair and eyebrows in most of the pics I've seen of him at Cons and whatnot. I think he just shaves it for the role of Druitt

[joyfulamanda.livejournal.com]

The main character is appallingly selfish, self-absorbed and dependent, without a modicum of good sense in that empty head [which is probably why Edward can’t read her thoughts, she doesn’t have any]

LOL!!! So true!

For not being a Twi-fan, I was ridiculously excited about the release of "New Moon". I went with three friends opening day, and I don't think we've ever laughed so frequently through an entire movie before! The movie is it's own parody! We laughed at the bits that were intentionally funny, of course, but I swear we couldn't help laughing also at all the over-serious drama, and all the shirt-ripping-off too. We had such a blast! I think I laughed hardest at future-vampire!Bella and Edward frolicking in the woods.

You must watch this spoof (I love 1:30-3:30 and 4:10-end):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Db7TMfyN5YA

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Seriously, though, isn't it bizarre how excited anti's are getting over the movie?! I've gone all 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em'! And lol- the movie is it's own parody!, because YES, that's it exactly! I get the feeling the actors are laughing at their own lines sometimes. And there's so much to enjoy- whether the movie intentionally scripted something in a funny way, or just because it was so lame it was funny!

I think I laughed hardest at future-vampire!Bella and Edward frolicking in the woods.

*dies* YES, OMG. *hides* That was just excruciating! And it was all slo-mo'd to increase the fail! GAH!

Oh, wow, that youtube spoof! Dude! *huggles you* I adore Twi-spoofs and this was something really special! *gigglefit*

[woodchoc-magnum.livejournal.com]

Oh, love.

I'm sorry, but Twilight is still a really big no-no for me, so I'm just going to steer clear of it completely.

But your day just hanging around the shops sounds awesome! I wouldn't have been able to resist buying both DVDs (especially if they were CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP) but you showed great willpower, which I greatly admire. Me, I see a DVD I want and it's all, "So, I won't buy lunch on Thursday. I get to have a DVD! YAY DVD YAY!"

I remember when life was simple. Those were simpler times. When life was simple. :) Without DVDs. But it was a simpler, sadder time. Of simplicity.

More shameless self promotion here and here! You said you wanted more, right?

And I hope those supernatural books you were making fun of weren't the Sookie Stackhouse books, because they are AWESOME. Seriously. Have you read any? I suggest you get your ass to a bookstore and pick up Dead Until Dawn. Your world will be rocked.

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Twilight is still a really big no-no for me, so I'm just going to steer clear of it completely.

That's probably wise. Look at me, I engaged with the fandom as an ANTI, and here I am, shelling out hard-won money to see it at the movies! GAH! But it was hilarious, on so many levels...

I wouldn't have been able to resist buying both DVDs (especially if they were CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP) but you showed great willpower, which I greatly admire

LOLOL, I showed NO willpower. I was on my way to the check-out chick when Jacob literally wrested them from my hands. *whimpers* Pretty covers...*sighs wistfully* I shall hate him forever if I don't get them by Christmas, though. And I hold grudges like a pro. *nodnod*

I see a DVD I want and it's all, "So, I won't buy lunch on Thursday. I get to have a DVD! YAY DVD YAY!"

Wow, how expensive are your lunches?! The typical dvd's about $20...I'm so cheap, I'd never spend that much- oh, wait, I'm forgetting my occasional KFC. That's $12 down the drain, yes...*shameface* But yeah, when I was at high school, I skipped lunch all the time so I could save up my lunch money to buy dvds and clothes!

I remember when life was simple. Those were simpler times. When life was simple. :) Without DVDs. But it was a simpler, sadder time. Of simplicity.

*snickers* Oh, bb, you make me laugh so easily. Heh. But I wouldn't say they were sadder times, because we didn't know what we were missing out on. It'd be infinitely sadder to be deprived now, when we know what we'd've lost. *knocks on wood*

Whee! More picspams of crackish!awesome? *happydances*

Um. I wasn't making fun of Sookie Stackhouse- it's books like Hush or Shiver or...I think I mentioned them in an earlier post, I can't quite recall any other titles. I was referring specifically to weak, bland, embarrassingly dependent women that can't exist away from their love interests. That's definitely not Sookie. I do love her character- the chick saving the vampire, woohoo!- but I don't like the books and the way she seems to play sex tag with all the different supernatural characters. I like an OTP with no interference from other characters. I'm not saying the series isn't well-written or that it's not populated with interesting characters, but it's not to my taste, is all. *shrugs*

I like Charlaine Harris' other series better, the Harper Connolly series, the one with the chick that can track down dead people and figure out how they died. But she's only written about three books and there don't seem to be any new ones forthcoming. *pouts*

ETA: OMG, OMG! Thank you for bringing her up! I just checked on amazon.com and found out she DOES have a fourth book in the series out and guess what? The library has it as well! I'm third in line to get it now! *bounces gleefully*

[woodchoc-magnum.livejournal.com]

I was on my way to the check-out chick when Jacob literally wrested them from my hands. *whimpers* Pretty covers...*sighs wistfully*

Oh, that would not fly with me. I would've wrestled them back! lol

Wow, how expensive are your lunches?!

ROFL

Not that expensive, but I'm on an incredibly tight budget. I really have to reign myself in otherwise I'd blow every single penny on DVDs. When I lived with my mother and father, I could buy as many DVDs as I wanted and not feel a second of guilt for it.

*sighs wistfully* Twas a simpler time.

It'd be infinitely sadder to be deprived now, when we know what we'd've lost. *knocks on wood*

That's completely true. A world without internet or iPods or Criminal Minds? I don't even want to think about it!

Um. I wasn't making fun of Sookie Stackhouse-

*hugs* I figured you wouldn't be. There are far worse books out there than the awesomeness that is the Sookie Bookies (or for short, if you like, simply "Bookie"). I haven't heard of either of the books you mentioned, but I always have to have a giggle at the ones with the Twilight knock off covers. Although I had breakfast with a friend one day (who has unfortunately been sucked up into the Twilight cult) and she thought the Sookie books were the ones with the Twilight knock-off covers. And I was all, "Bitch, wash your mouth out with soap!"

I was referring specifically to weak, bland, embarrassingly dependent women that can't exist away from their love interests.

Hey, that sounds familiar.... *ponders thoughtfully*

I do love her character- the chick saving the vampire, woohoo!-

I love book!Sookie soooo much. I love book!Sookie to death. But TV!Sookie isn't half as good as book!Sookie. TV!Sookie relys on the vampires too much. *eye roll* Because like ohmygod, please don't show a woman who's actually capable of doing things for HERSELF! *eye roll*

but I don't like the books and the way she seems to play sex tag with all the different supernatural characters.

*cough*

Technically she's only had sex with three of them... *cough cough*

Actually now that you mention it, I'm not a fan of it either. From the start I was happy with her being with Bill, and then Eric completely won me over, and now I just have no idea. But how is Sookie going to be happy with a vampire? She'll get all old and wrinkled and they'll still be young and beautiful. *sigh*

I like Charlaine Harris' other series better, the Harper Connolly series, the one with the chick that can track down dead people and figure out how they died.

I have the first book of that! I first read about it in the back of one of the Sookie bookies and was completely intrigued. I'm going to read it as soon as I finish this last Sookie book.

I'm third in line to get it now! *bounces gleefully*

Yay! *happydance*

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Oh, that would not fly with me. I would've wrestled them back! lol

Yeah, but- he kinda had a point. I should not waste money. [I'm feeling sooo guilty because I spent $20 on KFC yesterday- and omg, the woman charged me $4 for upsizing- a dollar for each of the chips and drinks I bought! WTF? Since when do they charge a dollar for EACH item upsized? I wish I'd spoken up and changed my mind. *sighs*]

That's completely true. A world without internet or iPods or Criminal Minds? I don't even want to think about it!

I would HATE to live in a post-apocalyptic world. Seriously- put a bullet in my brain if that ever happens. *shudders* We did this book, Blackout, in which electricity becomes extinct somehow, don't ask me how, and the world ground to a halt and it was horrific

That said, I kinda want to see Zombieland. It's supposed to look at the 'lighter' aspect of the end of the world, liking looting stores and hanging out at celebrities' houses and all! Plus, Abigail Breslin! I love that kid! *just rewatched Nim's Island for the hundredth time*

TV!Sookie isn't half as good as book!Sookie. TV!Sookie relys on the vampires too much. *eye roll* Because like ohmygod, please don't show a woman who's actually capable of doing things for HERSELF! *eye roll*

Oh, really? That's horrible! Way to undermine a strong, capable female character, PTB. *glares* Gotta make it commercial, which seems to mean 'make the chick weaker', ugh.

From the start I was happy with her being with Bill, and then Eric completely won me over, and now I just have no idea.

Well, see, I have this thing about OTP's- they don't get together for at least five seasons. But during that time, they CANNOT be involved with anyone else. It kills the fantasy for me otherwise and I will literally give up on the show if either become involved with another character.

So that's why I can't take Sookie. She's with Bill, then Eric, then some other creature and meanwhile, Sam's sniffing around after her and...*head!splodes* I also didn't like that Bill was so low in the pecking order that he not only could not protect her from the vampire politics but actively had to endanger her at some point.

This would never happen in my romance novels, I tell you. The dude is always the alpha, so there's none of this pesky 'but I have to follow orders, honey, even if that means your life might be at risk' business.

But how is Sookie going to be happy with a vampire? She'll get all old and wrinkled and they'll still be young and beautiful. *sigh*

Okay, this is the ONE POINT where I agree with Bella Swan. How can Edward be all 'how dare you doubt my love? It is not shallow, I'll still love you in fifty years time' when she's going to be ancient and wrinkly and totally not attractive. He might still love her, but not in a boyfriend/girlfriend way. Otherwise...ew.

I have the first book of that! I first read about it in the back of one of the Sookie bookies and was completely intrigued.

Hope you like it! It's really different from the Sookie books, though. More- insular, is that the word? There's not the enormous cast of supporting characters or politics and all that. More of a straight-forward mystery. If solving crimes using psychic powers is straight-forward, lol.

[woodchoc-magnum.livejournal.com]

I should not waste money.

Me either, but buying things feels right. How can it be so wrong? :(

nd omg, the woman charged me $4 for upsizing- a dollar for each of the chips and drinks I bought! WTF?

WHAT THE FUCK? That's never happened to me before! It's... a dollar to upsize everything, isn't it? I mean, if you got a meal or something.... that's messed up.

Speaking of KFC, that's what I'm having for dinner. YAY KFC BUDDIES.

I would HATE to live in a post-apocalyptic world. Seriously- put a bullet in my brain if that ever happens. *shudders*

We would need two bullets because I'd hate it as well. But who am I kidding, I'd be a zombie or something, or one of the people who just got killed in the apocalypse! lol

That said, I kinda want to see Zombieland.

Totally going to see that this weekend. *high five*

Well, see, I have this thing about OTP's- they don't get together for at least five seasons. But during that time, they CANNOT be involved with anyone else. It kills the fantasy for me otherwise and I will literally give up on the show if either become involved with another character.

Wow. You're hardcore with your OTPs. I dig it, but me? Not so much. My OTPs are whoever I think compliment each other really well and are pretty together - Hotch & Prentiss, Willow & Tara, Carrie & Big, Sawyer & Juliet (♥), Brian and Justin, Michael and Ben, Buffy and Spike (maybe not the complimenting each other part but SO PRETTY) etc etc... how long it takes them to get together and if they're with other people doesn't bother me, as long as they end up together in the end. :)

I'm such a hopeless fucking romantic it's ridiculous.

So that's why I can't take Sookie. She's with Bill, then Eric, then some other creature and meanwhile, Sam's sniffing around after her and...*head!splodes*

I guess you could look at it that way. To me, I guess it doesn't really bother me how many dudes are interested in Sookie or she's interested in return, because that's like real life, you know? It takes awhile picking through the rotten apples before you find a ripe one. But yeah, it's hard sometimes, going from one book where she's with Bill and then the next one where they're breaking up to the next one where's with Eric but they're never really together even though they've got the super hots for each other and then Quinn comes along all, "I'M A WERETIGER RAVISH ME SOOKIE," and Sookie's all ZOMG TIGERS ARE AWESOME and then Quinn fucks off and then Eric's all like, "Hey, I used to be a viking and I have a big penis," and Sookie's all ZOMG VIKING VAMPIRE!!

I could go on, but I completely forgot what I was talking about. LOL

I also didn't like that Bill was so low in the pecking order that he not only could not protect her from the vampire politics but actively had to endanger her at some point.

He only did it because he like really like loved her and stuff. :P

The dude is always the alpha

Mmm, I'd read your books. I do like a man who can take charge. *cough* Hotch *cough*

t is not shallow, I'll still love you in fifty years time' when she's going to be ancient and wrinkly and totally not attractive. He might still love her, but not in a boyfriend/girlfriend way. Otherwise...ew.

Yeah, and he's still all young and hot and 17 and sparkly all LOOK AT ME I SPARKLE *sparkles* and she's hobbling around with a cane and then throws her back out and falls down the stairs and breaks a hip. It just wouldn't work.

More- insular, is that the word? There's not the enormous cast of supporting characters or politics and all that. More of a straight-forward mystery.

I'm about 3/4 of the way through the first one. I really like the main character and I'm enjoying the book, but I do like the Sookie books better. I am going to pick up the rest of the series though and read those as well.

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

buying things feels right. How can it be so wrong? :(

Lol. I knoooow.
On The Fashion Show or was it Project Runway, one of the judges is introduced as 'fashion buyer'. I want to be a 'buyer', full stop. Can I get paid for this, please, life? I'm SO GOOD at it.

WHAT THE FUCK? That's never happened to me before! It's... a dollar to upsize everything, isn't it? I mean, if you got a meal or something.... that's messed up.

EXACTLY. I felt so ripped off!

But I was using a voucher, so I don't know if that was her being all 'well, this customer is trying to get a deal, so I'm going to charge her extra so that we don't end up making a loss'. Ugh.

You'd think she'd WARN me, though, since it's highly unusual for that kind of extra charge to be applied. >:[

I'm trying to tell myself it's not a big deal. Especially since my father randomly gave me $50 for no reason, so I ended up making a profit at the end of the day, lol.

But it still bugs me. *woes*

Speaking of KFC, that's what I'm having for dinner. YAY KFC BUDDIES.

OMGYAYZ! *high fives*
I had left overs for breakfast. *pats tummy* Sooo good!
Well, so bad for me, but it feels so good!

We would need two bullets because I'd hate it as well.

Lol. Yep, we're both cowards. Go us. *snickers*

This talk of needing enough bullets reminds me of the craptastic ending to The Mist. Have you seen it?

But who am I kidding, I'd be a zombie or something, or one of the people who just got killed in the apocalypse! lol

Hee, that's what I was thinking, bb! I wouldn't be [un]lucky enough to survive, I'd be one of the first wave of casualties. That'd be better off, in the long run, than all the suffering, even if I ended up living to enjoy the rewards, which is a dubious prospect at best.

And I was just watching The Matrix yesterday, and totally figured I would take whatever damn pill let me live in the fake reality, because I lack the guts and moral fortitude to be a freedom fighter. I roll with the regime, dude, I do not buck against it.

Totally going to see that this weekend.

Oh, let me know how you like it! And whether Abigail Breslin survives, because if she dies, I ain't going.

how long it takes them to get together and if they're with other people doesn't bother me, as long as they end up together in the end. :)

I wish I had that attitude. It would help me cope so much better.

I just like the idea that the couple is attracted to each other but delicately working their way through developing a friendship before it's tinged with romance. So if they get with other people, then it kinda invalidates the gently blooming love for me.

[Which is why TLW is made of epic win, because Roxton and Marguerite so love each other, act like they're married, randomly hug and kiss each other in moments of fear and relief, and have this understanding without being involved because they both have hang-ups that need to be dealt with before they can truly be together.

God, I hate TPTB for not letting it get to a fourth season. *criz*

Randomly? I vidded them to Bitch if you were curious:
http://borg-princess.livejournal.com/57755.html#cutid1]

[woodchoc-magnum.livejournal.com]

I want to be a 'buyer', full stop. Can I get paid for this, please, life? I'm SO GOOD at it.

OH THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. For me though, it'd be someone who watches the DVDs as they're released - you know, like a DVD tester? To make sure they're all in working order and everything with no glitches. That would be the life for me!

You'd think she'd WARN me, though, since it's highly unusual for that kind of extra charge to be applied. >:[

Yeah, she possibly should've said something. That's such a rip off. Stupid KFC! They charge you through the roof for one piece of fucking chicken as it is, and then they wallop you with a bullshit surcharge? Grrrrr.

This talk of needing enough bullets reminds me of the craptastic ending to The Mist. Have you seen it?

ZOMG YOU KNOW WHAT? In my comment where I was talking about needing two bullets - that's what I was thinking about! Oh, that fucking movie! THAT FUCKING MOVIE!!!!! It can BURN IN HELL.

And also? That's not how the story ended in the book. :-/

That'd be better off, in the long run, than all the suffering, even if I ended up living to enjoy the rewards, which is a dubious prospect at best.

You probably would be better off, because you wouldn't have to see all your friends and family dying and fend for your life running for zombies. As long as you didn't come back to life as a zombie, being dead is probably the best solution. But even if you were a zombie, I mean, would you really be aware of what was going on? It'd be more 'HOOOOMANS GIVE ME BRAINSSSSSS' etc etc.

totally figured I would take whatever damn pill let me live in the fake reality, because I lack the guts and moral fortitude to be a freedom fighter. I roll with the regime, dude, I do not buck against it.

Me too. I always watched that movie like, "And why is that a bad thing exactly? If it means you get to live a semi-normal long happy life in a world so much better than the shithole you live in, fucking go for it!

Oh, let me know how you like it! And whether Abigail Breslin survives, because if she dies, I ain't going.

I'll let you know what I think. :)

I just like the idea that the couple is attracted to each other but delicately working their way through developing a friendship before it's tinged with romance.

Oh I think that's a lot more romantic than my, "I don't care who they shag as long as they end up together" - come to think of it, it isn't really like that. Using Hotch & Prentiss as a (bad) example, if hypothetically Prentiss was to take up with another guy, then that would be the end of shipping Hotch & Prentiss for me... because then it wouldn't be within the realms of canon, if you get my drift? I mean, the reason I like Hotch/Prentiss as a pairing so much is because there is the (teeny tiny) possibility that one day they could end up together, in a perfect world. So if they were to write in a love interest for Prentiss or Hotch in the show, I wouldn't be able to ship Hotch/Prentiss together anymore... if that makes sense?

I don't know, I'm weird. I like things to be canon!

And so the thing I get from watching your video is the fact that those two look like they really, really, really dig each other. I dig that.

It also looks like a really fun show! Was it unceremoniously cancelled or did it actually have a proper ending?

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

I'm so sexist, though. I tend to take it easier on the guys- like, Mulder hooked up with a few different women, but he's an idiot. *shrugs*

Michael and Ben? That's not Lost again, is it? 'coz...wow, random, if so!

But Spike died in the end, didn't he? As did Tara. And Willow had the colossal lack of taste to get with Kennedy afterward, so BOO. *frowns*

Quinn comes along all, "I'M A WERETIGER RAVISH ME SOOKIE," and Sookie's all ZOMG TIGERS ARE AWESOME and then Quinn fucks off and then Eric's all like, "Hey, I used to be a viking and I have a big penis," and Sookie's all ZOMG VIKING VAMPIRE!!

*dies laughing*

You should crack!spam the series. That's hilarious!

I kinda like Eric, from what I remember of the series. Bill's the broody one, Eric's the arrogant yet charming and roguishly lovable one, y/y? Plus, he's higher up in the hierarchy? [Because I'm a social climber when it comes to my ships]

I remember reading a bit of this book where he had amnesia or something and Sookie was taking care of him...? Such a soapie plot, lol. But oddly entertaining.

I do like a man who can take charge. *cough* Hotch *cough*

ZOMG, ALPHA!HOTCH IS A SEXY BEAST.
He's so quietly authoritative most of the time, that when he really starts doing the testosterone-fuelled establishing of dominance...like in Minimal Loss...GUH.

Yeah, and he's still all young and hot and 17 and sparkly all LOOK AT ME I SPARKLE *sparkles*

That's it! HE DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE HIS SPARKLE! He's a jealous sparkle!whore!

Oh, glad you're liking the 'Grave' series. Damn, the woman is prolific, she's got like, four different series happening. Ugh, I wish I were that creative!

[woodchoc-magnum.livejournal.com]

Michael and Ben? That's not Lost again, is it? 'coz...wow, random, if so!

I wish my pairings were that random, but no, I meant Michael and Ben from Queer As Folk. :P

But Spike died in the end, didn't he? As did Tara. And Willow had the colossal lack of taste to get with Kennedy afterward, so BOO. *frowns*

Spike actually came back to life, if you'll remember the fifth season of Angel. And he's alive in the comic books (which I totally read by the way). As for Willow and Tara, Tara might be dead but their love was pure and true. And Kennedy can go jump off a bridge. Why didn't they just kill that bitch?

Eric's the arrogant yet charming and roguishly lovable one, y/y? Plus, he's higher up in the hierarchy? [Because I'm a social climber when it comes to my ships]

Yes he is, and he's big and strong and tall and blonde (and very well endowed according to Sookie). Bill's all right, but I just like Eric better. He makes me laugh. Bill very rarely if ever makes me laugh.

I remember reading a bit of this book where he had amnesia or something and Sookie was taking care of him...? Such a soapie plot, lol. But oddly entertaining.

Actually he was cursed by witches and Sookie had to take care of him because it was all something to do with the woman he loved or some such nonsense, and then he got his memory back but forgot everything that happened with Sookie which made Sookie sad, because she loved him. And then in a later book he reveals that he actually remembered what happened and he and Sookie were all YAY TRU LUV 4EVA! Well... kinda. The ninth book... *shudders* Oh god, it's just... Sookie will never be the same, let me put it ominously that way.

He's so quietly authoritative most of the time, that when he really starts doing the testosterone-fuelled establishing of dominance...like in Minimal Loss...GUH. ♥

Mmmmmm......... *happy place*

[mw48.livejournal.com]

I totally agree that the running through the forest scene was possibly the lamest scene of ALL TIME!! Seriously - my whole movie theatre just BURST out with WTF-laughter!

Also - totally agree that editing is less time consuming than writing. I have spent HOURS today on one of my chapters...and I only got halfway...*sads*

Good luck with all the beta-ing though - it can also be pretty time consuming! Just not quite as bad as writing, I think! :P

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

my whole movie theatre just BURST out with WTF-laughter!

*snorts* I really can't stand the books but the movie's great because there's so many ways to enjoy it! Real genuine laughter at a good line or WTF!laughter at the fail, hee!

have spent HOURS today on one of my chapters...and I only got halfway...*sads*

*jawdrops* Dude, good on you! *squishes* I do love to hear that one of my favorite authors is working on a new chapter. [Well, I assume it's for IAHW, otherwise my anticipatory squee will be deflated] And at least you accomplished something instead of giving up 'coz it's too hard, which a lot of people fall prey to, so be proud. *nodnod* I'M proud of you. :D

Thanks! *twirls* I do love beta'ing and I don't get the opportunity often enough.

[mw48.livejournal.com]

*grins* yes it was IAHW and it should be up later today, I expect...the queue looked short.

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

*gapes* Seriously? *iz overjoyed* That's awesome news! *bounces*

I'm so depressed at the lack of new fic lately, so this raises my spirits!

[mw48.livejournal.com]

*nods*

I've been reading much older fics, recently...but actually - I have a HUGE amount of beta work to do, so I'm going to stop reading for a bit until I've made more headway into that!

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Oh, you beta as well! What fandom/s? I'm thinking I need to find like, if there's a page or something to volunteer on because it's fun. I think it's fun, lol, And a good distraction, too.

Well, only if it's for my ships, anyway. I beta'd for this Threshold dude once 'coz he was my friend and I felt like it would be bad form to refuse him but it was about an OC and my favorite character and so painful, OMG. We lost touch after a while but I think he ended up getting it published, though substituting different names for the characters, obviously.

[mw48.livejournal.com]

wow at that guy getting published.

haha I beta mostly for friends/acquaintances on OWL - right now I'm doing some for MsFigg - so SS/HG :P

I am Perfect Imagination accredited (you do a beta on a piece of writing for a test) and that is like a site where you list what you will beta and authors can send you a message about whether you're interested in whatever, but i haven't actually go any work from there yet!

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

Self-published, I'm pretty sure. We were good friends for a while, but that book was- *shakes head* His name's David, nickname Dave, and the main character's name is Dave! And he pretty much substituted the Threshold character Molly with an OC, Lucy, who was startlingly similar. *eyeroll* I'm not saying he didn't have talent, his dialogue and action sequences were entertaining enough, but such a Gary Stu, omg!

Ooh, Perfect Imagination accredited? That sounds so impressive! Like something you'd get printed on a business card or something, lol. But holy crap, sitting tests and all freaks me out. I had a look at one yesterday and it's hardcore, all 'explain the difference between this and that' and 'illustrate with examples how that would happen'. *shudders* The pressure! *hides*

[mw48.livejournal.com]

nah the PI test isn't too hard at all - you literally get a piece of writing and beta it for mistakes...

it sounds fancy, but really - i need as much help as the next person with things like correct comma placement etc at times *grimaces*

BUT if you want beta work...it might be a good thing to do.

[dragonladyk.livejournal.com]

It's usually exploited by writers who want to indulge in dark, perverted abuse and glorious sadism, so kthxbai

Yes. This.

it is a load of rubbish demonstrating the creativity and skill of a third grader.

And this, too.

There are huge plot holes and ridiculous twists and drama-for-the-sake-of-drama rather than logical, well-thought-out obstacles for the characters to overcome. The main character is appallingly selfish, self-absorbed and dependent, without a modicum of good sense in that empty head [which is probably why Edward can’t read her thoughts, she doesn’t have any] and displays so little respect for others or herself that it sends me into explosive fits of rage. ‘Let’s say for argument’s sake that I’m not smart’- oh, honey, it’s not just for the sake of argument, that’s a fact right there.

This made me laugh because, again, so true.

I don't get the Robert Pattinson sex-idol thing anymore than I get the Reid-fangirl-lust thing. They're both very childlike -- undefined muscles, skinny-ass physique, boyish haircuts, no body hair, fine features -- and the OMGsohot things strikes me as... puzzling when it's teens and bordering on sick (because when did childlike men become the in thing?!) when it's adults. Don't get me wrong, both actors are cool, funny guys but not... sex-gods. They're too androgynous.

And Pattinson has the added burden of having to wear corpse-powder because Edward is "marble--skinned."

ut didn’t Carlisle go around, randomly turning them so that he wouldn’t be alone, at first, and then to provide ‘mates’ for each of them? As willful turner, depriver of souls, shouldn’t Edward loathe Carlisle? How strong are his principles if he’s willing to pal around with someone who’s violating his beliefs?

I'd never considered that point before. You have opened my eyes to a new level of fail. I didn't think there were any more left, but lo! There was.

Twililght. The fail that keeps on failing.

Kirsten Stewart looks like a younger version of Stephanie Meyer, but the chick can't act. I mean, compare her "anguish" to Thomas Gibson's pathos in "100" or even to Emmy Rossum in "Phantom of the Opera." That's how you do anguish. Either the Real Damn Suffering (Gibson) or the subtle knife (Rossum: "ANGEL of MUSIC, you decieved me. --I gave you my mind blindly.--" and the whole of "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again").

Victoria annoys me. All the times she could have just goddamn killed Bella, but she always tries to supervillain it and fails. *pfft* Loser.

And yes to the suddenly-stupid!Jacob. I know Meyer just did it so that Bella would have a "reason" to choose Edward and so the audience wouldn't want to root too hard for Jacob, either, but -- his character changes made no sense. He wasn't a character, just a stuffed strawman obstacle to Bella & Edward's One True Love.

I say again: *pfft* *points to icon*

Now that would be a movie. And if we made SMG read the books, she'd totally agree to come back for it, I'm sure.

DragonLady

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

This made me laugh because, again, so true.

*smirks* Yay me! Insight + humor, I do try...

I don't get the Robert Pattinson sex-idol thing anymore than I get the Reid-fangirl-lust thing.

YES, ITA. I feel a little queasy with all the Reid!lust in the fandom. Innocent little crushes from teens, okay, but full-on, hard-core PWP Reid!whoring to all the different characters baffles me. He's a little boy that needs to be nurtured and protected in my eyes, so even though he's older than me, I still feel all 'big sister' in relation to him.

bordering on sick (because when did childlike men become the in thing?!) when it's adults. Don't get me wrong, both actors are cool, funny guys but not... sex-gods. They're too androgynous.

*nodnod*
And sex-gods! Bwahahaa! Both characters are the exact opposite! I don't know if Reid's a virgin but he comes off very naive that way, like when the starlet was trying to seduce him in the pool, lol, with the 'stop trying to corrupt my virtue' hysteria. *snorts* And Edward's a 100+ virgin, so...hmm. [I mean, sex!god!Snape actually seems more plausible compared to these guys! *g*]

And Pattinson has the added burden of having to wear corpse-powder because Edward is "marble--skinned."

For the record? Bare chested Pattinson is the least sexy thing imaginable. I don't care if people think that makes me asexual, it's just NOT HOT, ugh.

I'd never considered that point before. You have opened my eyes to a new level of fail. I didn't think there were any more left, but lo! There was.

All right, this is inappropriate considering, but I do feel somewhat proud. Everyone's nitpicked Twilight to death, so the idea that I brought something new to the discussion, well. *preens* I'd get more worked up about it but Smeyer's shown that logic and continuity means nothing in her universe. Character and plot are acceptable casualties in her bid to make the not!epic romance more interesting by throwing contrived road-blocks in their way. *yawns*

Kirsten Stewart looks like a younger version of Stephanie Meyer

Everyone's pointed out how much of a Mary Sue Bella is, to the point where the physical description is a dead ringer for her. But what's interesting is that Smeyer originally suggested Emily Browning for the role, who also resembles her. *eyeroll* This woman is so not subtle!

but the chick can't act. I mean, compare her "anguish" to Thomas Gibson's pathos in "100" or even to Emmy Rossum in "Phantom of the Opera." That's how you do anguish. Either the Real Damn Suffering (Gibson) or the subtle knife

ITA. Looking vaguely nauseous doesn't cut it. She can handle the lighter parts of the role, the banter, the moping, but when it calls for heavy-duty emotions like eternal love and heartbreak, she falls far, far short. *sighs* Still, it makes the movie more entertaining to watch. What would I have to snicker at if everything was perfect? [My attitude to Jumper- god, Hayden Christensen was hilariously awful in that]

Victoria annoys me. All the times she could have just goddamn killed Bella, but she always tries to supervillain it and fails. *pfft* Loser.

*pouts* But she's prettyyyy!
Still, I do see your point. It's jaw-droppingly embarrassing that neither she nor the cadre of 'villains' out to kill Bella succeed. They're vamps! Preternatural strength, FFS! And they can't off one puny human? For serious?

[borg-princess.livejournal.com]

I have to say, I hate the 'toy with the prey til the rescue party arrives' plot device with a passion. [It only really worked for me in the new Star Trek movie, because you know that Nero wanted nothing more than to make him suffer emotionally, and live with that agony, so it made sense from a character viewpoint] I know martial arts and dramatic body-flinging makes for better viewing, but at some point, I just want them to snap the person's damn neck and have it done with.

And yes to the suddenly-stupid!Jacob... his character changes made no sense. He wasn't a character, just a stuffed strawman obstacle to Bella & Edward's One True Love.

Absolutely. No character integrity within sight, everyone's just a prop to help or hinder the OTP. Nobody has their own goals or motives or dreams unless it relates to Bella and/or Edward in some way, the world really does revolve around them. *eyeroll* I feel bad for Jacob, he got screwed over so bad. And to think he imprinted on Nessie. *gags* It's serious competition for title of Worst Plot Development Ever.

I say again: *pfft* *points to icon*
Now that would be a movie.

Hee. I love the video clip of Buffy staking Edward. [I feel so ashamed, I totally didn't realize the footage was of Cedric when I saw it, I had to be told. *facepalm*] It's such a cathartic experience!