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LOTS- ep 2:

PART TWO of Baneling



---

Slimy Irritating Dude: I need a horse.

 

Cara: *prays * Save me from dealing with idiot mundanes.

SID: I have to bury my brother.


C: We need the horses to get provisions. You can bury him outside with the others.

SID: I’m not burying my brother alongside the Daharans who killed him. He should be laid to rest beside our mother and father.


 

C: Do it quickly.

COMPASSION BY OSMOSIS! Kahlan’s healing love and empathy transmitted through a single gaze!

 

C: I’m so sorry for your loss.

*brain melts* OMG, she's EXTRA STUNNINGLY GORGEOUS from that angle!

Also. ROFL. :D I love that Cara was taking notes earlier and then trots it out in this attempt at emulating her style…priceless!

 

SID: Oookay, then? No ability to empathize, difficulty expressing emotions…are you a sociopath, by any chance?

---

 

MOM AND DAD ARE NOT AMUSED. 'What were you thinking?! You better have a good reason for this!'

 

C: A man came to the stables asking for a horse so he could take his brother to be buried.


K: We didn't raise you to go around giving horses to strangers! How could you be so gullible?!

C: The Confessor told me I had to show more compassion.

Clearly Cara is a daddy’s girl. She knows which parent will go easy on her! Wow, for a girl who grew up without a family, she sure knows how to deflect really well! I love the way she stares at Kahlan, realizes which the way the wind is blowing and decides to appeal to Richard instead, lol.

 

K: Are you saying this is my fault?

C: Yes.

AHAHA! *dies laughing*

 

Richard senses a catfight in the making. Dude, you do not want to get caught between the tussle of the alpha females...



K: I won't forget this. You're never borrowing my stuff again. Hope you enjoy the rat's nest on your head when I don't let you use my brush tomorrow morning.

C: It is a little known fact that the Mord'Sith are creative with revenge. See how you like it when you wake up and I've cut all your hair off.



R: *hastily interjects* Hold it, I like the way you both look! I can't travel with a pathetic-lookingharem, it'd destroy my rep!

 

*well-timed scream*

Heh, Cara intrudes between Richard and Kahlen. *smirks* Much subtler than an elbow to the gut, eh?

---

R: I need you to find the man who stole the Abbot’s locket.

 

C: *iz thrilled at a real mission at last* He can’t have gotten far.

 

R: Please don't hurt me for this, but- don't rough him up, 'mmkay? Bring him back alive.

 

C: Hmm. Alive doesn't preclude the possibility of a few accidents befalling him along the way. *smirks*

 

R: That went better than I expected. Why was I so terrified at telling Cara not to beat people up?

---

 

Cockblocker!Cara: Sorry to interrupt. I know you’re mourning the loss of your brother.

 

SID: We all grieve in our own way.

 

C: *not buying it* You make me look stupid in front of Kahlan. Be grateful I haven't stuffed your corpse in the same coffin as your 'brother'.

 

The ladies slink away. By the by, does the sight of a Mord’Sith not inspire ANY dread or terror? In ep 3, children run screaming at the sight of her and men aim weapons at her but nobody here bats an eyelash?

C: Where’s the treasure?

SID: I’m not afraid of you. Do you know what horrible things they did to me at [fantasy location]?

C: *waves agiel suggestively* Intimately.

 Why does she make the prospect of torture sound so enticing? Unless...what else does she do with that agiel? O.o


*attempts foolish bravado*

His teeth get bared more with each detail of torture. [Looks like a horse, actually]

But lookit him, the guy hardly looks like he’s been through hell. Why didn’t anyone mess up his face? I’d like to see him attract chicks with gruesome scars or missing an ear or two. And I bet if they threatened his pretty boy appeal, he’d’ve broken in a second.


SID: Torture me all you want. You’ll be wasting your time.

Me: PERMISSION, Cara, he INVITED you to do it! Go on, chop off a finger! He has seven more!

 

C: I’ll do things to you those women can’t even imagine.  Many know of a Mord’Sith’s ability to bring pain, but few know that we are equally skilled at bringing pleasure.


 

*iz irresistibly seductive*

Cara: But first, you need to tell me-

SID: In a cave, three leagues outside town, by the fork in the river.

*snorts* Don't believe the hype, the way to a man's heart is through his pants, apparently. 

 

C: Take me to it. Now.

Yay, dom!Cara has returned!


How sexy is it that she can fling a fully grown male around like that? Without even breaking a sweat! And I thought her lifting Kahlan was impressive. :D

---

 

R: *lost in gloomy thoughts*

Oh, no, teh woobie is angsting again! Good thing Cara brought him a present, wrapped up special!

C: Richard!

Is it just me or does she sound way Aussie there?

 

Ah, the traditional Mord’Sith Power Walk with Captive in Tow. Mmm, just when you think she can’t get any hotter.

*pictures Cara leading Kahlan*

*brain combusts at the hotness*

 

R: *entranced by the shiny* 

C: This is what you’re looking for.

 

I snickered at how Cara swung it away from him til she made her grand pronouncement and then she finally let him play with it. Lol. Like, ‘First, you will acknowledge my role in bringing this to you, damn it!’

SID: I’m not going anywhere with you.


R: *shrugs* Take him to Kahlan. Have her confess him.

C: *looks pleased*

 

Z: *iz a party pooper* No. We don’t know how the Confessor’s touch will affect the rune’s magic.



Cara and Richard: Shit!

Is she POUTING? Damn the crappy cap quality, but looks like it! Aww, poor woobies, they like Christmas has been canceled!


SID: I guess I’m not going anywhere. And this hand? Goes where I go.

 

C: Not if I cut it off.

Ahaha! Her gaze has the searing intensity to accomplish the de-handing in a second! And if Surgeon Cara is on the job, you can bet there will be no anesthetic involved, lol.

SID: When do we leave? 

See! I told you, threaten to chop bits off and he’ll co-operate! So much for not breaking on the funtime wheel of drowning. *snorts*


C: *yanks on rope*

HEE! She gets such a kick out of doing that. ^_^ I love a woman in control.

 

SID: *lives up to his nickname* You know, this would be a good place to live up to your bargain.

*gags* Honestly, I'm beginning to think that the torture injured him in the head. He must have serious brain-damage to think he ever had a chance with Cara.



*refuses to justify his stupidity with a response*


SID: Hey! HEY! HEEEEYYYY!

Bwahahah...

---

 

*Cara materializes out of nowhere*

R: But that hallway was just empty! How-? 

C: Our thief won’t be going anywhere without us.
 

R: You brought him back without a scratch, how’d you manage that?

 

C: *flirtatiously* I have other methods.

 

R: *looks intrigued* What kind of methods?

RICHARD! You’re a MARRIED MAN! Or…as good as, anyway! See, this is how you get the STD!Rash of DOOM.

 

Richard's brain: SYSTEM ERROR...REBOOTING...

Yes, best we halt that speculation right there. Lol. Kahlan would be so disappointed in you. Tsk, tsk.

R: Well, however you did it, it’s good work.

Aww, validation, yay! Paternal approval! :D

C: Did you expect anything less?

 

R: I’m just glad to have you on our side.

He really is very sweet!


C: Maybe you can tell Zedd and Kahlan they can stop sleeping with weapons under their pillows.

*snicker* No grass growing under her! I do so love her very much!

 

I’m so torn, you guys! I hate both these characters so much, I’m not sure whether to side with Psycho!chick or the Slimy Irritating Dude. But since she dies later on, I guess I’ll just enjoy him getting his comeuppance, heh.

 

It’s hilarious that upon hearing cries of agony, Richard immediately races off to the rescue- while Cara is unmoved. Lol.

Her face: What, the sound of someone suffering a mortal injury is unusual?


CSI: D'Hara! [Or wherever the hell they are, I suck at geography]
He just needs some sunnies to slip on and off dramatically. Then again, he can just whip out his sword for emphasis, I guess, complete with its own ringing steel sound effect. Take that, Horatio’s sunglasses!

C: He’s dead.

R: He was the key to the Stone of Tears.

*clicks tongue reprovingly* Oh, Richard, what a scolding Kahlan would have for you at not displaying the appropriate sorrow and compassion for this man’s death! How dare you speak of him as though his only worth lay in the rune on his hand? [Even though it’s true] No man is an island, yo, every man’s diminishes you! Act like it!

Still, I admire this new Richard. No wibbling over how ordering the guy to be taken hostage and locked up make you responsible for his death. None of the guilty self-flagellation at not preventing his death. Just a grim observation on what his death will cost the mission. I approve!

 

SID: Why am I naked? And surrounded by moaning, oiled bodies? More importantly, why are there no fawning women offering me sexual favors around? OH GOD, I *AM* IN HELL!

 

Hey, so Cara can bring anyone back from the dead? Well, that lowers the sense of jeopardy for the main cast, yay! I honestly don’t care at all, I know how some shows go on about how killing off a regular means that nobody is safe and it makes the audience tense and go ‘oh, anyone could be next’- why the frak is that a good thing? I like settling in to watch and knowing none of them are at risk.

SID: I thought I was dead.

 

C: I brought you back. Now your soul is MINE.

 

SID: *iz confuzzled* But- you don’t like me. You didn’t even perform those obscene sex acts on me. Oh, wait, is that why you brought me back? Is it?!

C: I can make you dead again.


K: *iz speechless in the face of Cara’s awesome*

C: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?

SID: I saw Darken Rahl.

[Guys, I don’t know how the frak to spell his name. For all I know, it’s Dark N’Rahl or something weird like that]

 

C: *iz perturbed*

 

R: *in CSI mode* Who stabbed you?

 

*gigglesnort* Yes, that would be more important than drilling him for tactical info on the villain threatening world domination?

---

C: The walls are strong. The banelings can’t get to us, they can’t kill and they’ll die again.

 

R: He’ll just send his men to find more victims and they’ll grow stronger out there while we grow weaker in here.

Oh, Richard! *pets* How mature and wise you have grown in a season! I approve!

By the way, does his shirt have buttons? Or did he rip them off so he could enthrall the womenfolk with his manly chest?

C: They won’t stop until they get in.

R: Well, if they want in, we’ll let them come.

Z: What about Kahlan and all the others?

Oh, Zedd. Acting like she needs to be protected like a fragile porcelain doll, really?

R: We’ll get them out the back way.

 

Z: This is a prison, there is no back way.

Me: Zedd! Are you a witch or aren’t you?! Dude, are you senile or what? There wasn’t a front way til you blasted the gate in!

R: [I can] make one.

It sounds like he says ‘I can’ but obviously it’s ‘then’, right?

---

 

SID: It’s a long road to Pomorrah [?]. Could get a little lonely.

Jeez! Slimeball's like that Ever Ready battery- never say die.


C: You’re right. It is…a long road…to Pomorrah.

 

I love that feral look in her eye as she gets off on hurting people! Hee!



*snorts* Phallic image, anyone?

 

C: And if you want to make it there in one piece, you won’t try my patience.

SID: The Seeker said you needed me alive.

 

C: Yes. But he didn’t say you had to be comfortable.

*gigglesnort* CARA WINS AT LIFE! <33333



---

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-26 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfabubble.livejournal.com
And I'm worried, 'coz I thought we were on the same page and now you're championing him

I'm totes not championing him, I'd still MUCH rather have her interact and be cute with R&K instead of a random guy, but he's getting so much hate in fandom that I felt a bit sorry for him lol. He is making Cara happy after all. But still, he's a bit douchey. I don't think we should be worrying about this too much though anyway, he'll be forgotten in a few eps time.

OH NOES BB, don't read the last page of the last book! It'll spoil you for one of teh cutest OT3 moments. I beg!

Yeah, she has this boyfriend who's a Commander-turned-General. It's really cute, they dance at this wedding. He's blond and blue eyed like her, and she gets off on him being so loyal and proud to serve Lord Rahl, lmao. They have rough secks (the only way Cara will have it :p) and Kahlan remarks on her love bites, teehee.
The last scene of Confessor has him and Cara in it... but I don't want to spoil you more than I have already lol. I splurged.

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