WTF?

[marguerite_krux]

So, the little people have been flocking to me all week.

 

Because yes, three cases constitute a flock. I'm hoping it's not the trickle before the downpour because even though it's holding steady at three different incidents, I'm feeling apprehensive.

 

Wednesday was the first inkling there was something wrong. 

Usually my interactions with kids go along the lines of:

Me: *glares*

Little kid: AAAAHHHHH! *runs away*

 

No, seriously. It's hilarious, I was in Target once, heading for the price check machine. [There's nothing worse than getting to the counter, finding out it's twice as expensive as you thought and having to suffer the embarrassment of saying 'never mind'...although it's arguably just as bad when you have too much pride to admit you can't really justify the expense and pay for it anyway just to avoid looking like a fool] These little kids came from the opposite direction and reached it before me, looked at my face and went, 'Uh...you can use it,' and took off. Heh.

 

Basically, we're oil and water. We don't mix. But this kid on my newspaper route evidently didn't get the memo. He was trying to be...what's the sports term, a 'goalie'. Literally hunching over, arms extended, blocking me from passing. He was half my size and I was all, 'Dude, I could knock you out and fit you in my trolley, 'kay? Drop the cutesy act, I'm not a sucker for that kind of thing.' But he started alternately growling and insanely giggling, which is the most disturbing thing to see in a kid, and he was running around me to keep me trapped.

 

I could've just outrun him. But my dignity prevented me from taking this step. WE DO NOT SURRENDER TO LITTLE BULLIES. I wasn't going to be seen running from this kid, who mistakenly thought I was the type to enjoy playing a game of- whatever it was that he'd cooked up in his tiny brain. So I distracted him by handing him a newspaper and then dodged around him. He FOLLOWED me, but thankfully not too far. Otherwise his mother might've noticed he was gone and thought I'd kidnapped him. I don't know where the hell she was when her little boy was trying to compensate for her lack of attention by playing with a complete stranger who could've been, like, a pedophile or some sort of deranged killer, but whatever. He turns up on the news missing one of these days and you'll know who's to blame. [Well, other than the pervert who took him]

 

The second incident was in the library. I'm innocently picking up my romances [yay!] and as I step back from the counter, I bump into something solid and hear a thud as this little body hits the ground. First thing I do is look around to see if any outraged adult is coming to beat me up. Then I look at the little kid on the ground, who is thankfully NOT crying and looking more bemused than anything. I know, it's so selfish to be thinking 'oh, thank god his mother's not going to yell at me and he's not howling because I might just have a panic attack if that were the case', but still. Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to help him up or just look at him or what, but the nice library lady came around the desk and picked him up and soothed him, so I said sorry and moved on.

 

It was totally NOT MY FAULT. How was I supposed to know he was coming up right behind me, huh? I don't have eyes in the back of my head. What made it worse is that Netty, who was with me at the time, told me that he was coming up to hug me. HUG ME. That's so not what I wanted to hear at the time. I knocked this kid over [*not my fault, not my fault*] and I want to hear that he's a nightmare, always in detention, pulls wings off flies and kicks kittens. Okay, it's not that I *want* him to be evil, but it would make me feel less guilty about the inadvertent shove. And the image of this random kid coming up to hug me just...ack, it's just so wrong. It makes the guilt worse, knowing that. So that night, I'm ranting to mother about how this kid was totally to blame for sneaking up on me like that and trying to act all cute by hugging me which is just damn manipulative and I see right through him, and mother goes, 'Well, maybe he just mistook you for someone nice.' Oh, *burn*.

 

Poor kid. He's never hugging anyone again in his life. I've scarred him.

 

Anyway, the third incident was just this morning. I'm delivering a second lot of newspapers and this woman drives up nearby- you know the whole cliche of suburban mom with massive car packed with kids and schoolbags and home-made lunches and footballs and all that? That was her. The kids LEAN OUT THE WINDOW and start waving at me and calling hello. Just in case I thought maybe it was an accident and they saw someone they knew [though I was the only person on the street at the time], I walked up the street a ways- then the traffic moved, the car got closer and they started up yelling hi again and it was just so weird. I don't know these kids. Why the hell are they being friendly to me? It's just...*yikes*.

 

I'm officially freaked out.