No, there’s no chance of me leaving right now. I would have moved in with Ma in a heartbeat, but it wouldn’t be fair on her. To get technical about it, she did tell me that no matter what, her door was always open to me- but it was pretty clear that if I did come to live with her, she’d fret about mother.

Ma so badly wants the two of us to be okay with each other again, and it was just such a miserable evening for me. Mother was there, saying all the right words, offering forgiveness and a chance at rebuilding our relationship, and Ma was just sniffling and wiping away tears in the corner…then we had a chat in private and I started crying when I realized that it was just so much stress on her and that I’d be a terrible person if I took her up on her original offer when she’d be heartbroken at the message that would send, that it would basically mean rejecting mother. Ma loves me and she would have taken me in anyway, if I needed somewhere to go, but I can’t put her in that position with her own daughter, you know? I want to leave more than anything, but if I tore her apart emotionally, I wouldn’t deserve it.

Oh, sweetie… *hugglesquish* Yours is the best offer I’ve had in a long time, I so wish it could happen! It would be a dream come true, honestly. *daydreams about CM marathons with you* We could be unhealthy and junk out on KFC together, it’d be awesome! :D

Re: therapy. I don’t think it’s going to change anything, but it’d be nice to talk to someone that has no stake in the matter. When I talk to my relatives, much as I love them, I have to hold things back because I know that they would take exception to it because they also care about my mother, and I know they want me to feel one way and do things a certain way…talking to a stranger who doesn’t know anyone and is just there to hear me out would be good.

Of course, talking to you guys is a huge help, don’t get me wrong, you always make me feel better- but then I feel like sometimes because you care about me, you might not be as tough on me as I deserve…and to be honest, I really wouldn’t want that sort of tough love, I come here to be in my happy place and if I had my friends blasting me when I do something stupid or wrong…that’d suck. If it’s just a counselor that’s telling me something that hurts or something I don’t want to hear, well, I don’t need to keep seeing them, right? So it all works out…

I'm so glad to have you in my life, you knwo that, right? Love you lots, bb. *hugs*