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marguerite_kruxI am disheartened, though not surprised, by the lack of dangerous substances in the house. My choices are limited to Telfast, Panadol and Roaccutane, and since these are medicines that make with the curing, I'm not sure how effective they are for overdosing purposes. Although considering the monster-size headache I have from crying my eyes out for three hours straight, that Panadol's looking like a good idea.
Oh, mother has these pills for her blood pressure. I wonder what they could do.
Anyway, since I have no idea how to effectively carry out this sort of thing, I shall content myself with a shot of bitter and nasty.
Dear parents,
I find it amusing and pathetic and vastly infuriating that you believe overstepping boundaries and curtailing my freedom is the way to forcing academic success. Now, I have to admit, I played a major role in 'forcing' you to act like this, if I weren't so immature and apathetic and just knuckled down and studied and achieved well, you wouldn't have to be my wardens, but seriously. Seriously. Telling me I'm only allowed to read five books a week? WTF? Are we actually back to punishing me through limiting my reading?
And not allowing me to go anywhere other than uni or do anything other than study during the week? Granting me a few hours of freedom on the weekend, though naturally under restrictions? I'm not a party animal, my social life is pretty much non-existent. But you decide the best way to enhance my uni performance is to prevent me from visiting my grandmother, who is the only person I see on a regular basis, who is the only real source of support and emotional stability I have in my life. I regret not spending enough time with Pa, who died just over a year after he moved to Australia, and now you're going to keep me from hanging out with Ma? The worst thing is that if I decide I want to, god forbid, spend time with Netty or Katherine, I'm in the position of 'neglecting' her to see them, like it's all my fault when it's your stupid restrictions.
I barely see the two girls, I might go a few months without getting to hang out with them, and you know why? Some people have lives that aren't spent waiting around for a spare hour or two when you let me out of exile. They have jobs and relationships that don't conform to this schedule from hell you've stuck me in. So thanks for helping to degrade the only real life relationships I actually have managed to maintain.
Oh, and btw, I find it depressing that you apparently think the only reason someone would cultivate a relationship with me is because they are a psychopath with murderous intentions. I mean, OMG, it's just so hard to believe that someone might actually like me. But I don't even believe you really buy into that [although I kinda regret all those Criminal Minds marathons, mother, if they were just feeding your paranoid delusions], because if I had gotten Distinctions or HDs, it'd've been a different story, we could've come to an agreement, but oh no, I get Credits and suddenly I can't go see a person that actually wants to be around megod knows why. Although if you did believe the worst, considering what a burden I am, what a failure and neverending disappointment I am, heck, why wouldn't you let me go? It'd solve all your problems if I were dead, wouldn't it?
Yes, I'm indulging my inner drama queen quite a bit here. I know you love me and want what's best for me. But you don't understand that increasing these limitations and restrictions is never going to achieve what you want it to. If I succeed somehow, it'll be DESPITE this prison you're erecting around me, not because of it.
No love,
me.
/whinge.
After releasing all that resentment and frustration, I have to point out a reality check: in Afghanistan, some sadistic jerks throw acid at schoolgirls, blinding them for defying their religion and culture by seeking education. And here I am, needing emotional blackmail and crazy restrictions designed to force me to do well. How wack is that?
-------------
Apart from parents, another source of constant aggravation. Windows Movie Maker is being a real bitch. I know it gives everyone a hard time, but come on! My laptop is pictured in the dictionary under 'epic fail', for frak's sake.
I thought maybe I was equally culpable for its slackness, since running a laptop on about three GB of spare room is probably not the way to encourage optimal performance, right? I spent the morning clearing out craploads of stuff, ending with an astonishing 21 GB of free space and still, STILL it won't co-operate. It takes half an hour to open the file, operates for two minutes max if I'm lucky before it freezes, and refuses to save a vid of what I have so far, so I can't even be like, 'Look, Dakota, I did try! Here is proof of my efforts!' *wibbles*
Anyway, I'm not allowed to use it til the weekend, *eyeroll*, so maybe by then it'll have simmered down and show some mercy. But oh, if someone has a magic wand that they can wave to cure it of its tantrums and general pissiness, I would welcome a miracle.
--------------
Btw, who thinks Myki is the worst to happen to the public transport system since Connex? I'm not sure who thought it would be a brilliant idea to issue people with cards that you need to TOUCH to the screen- about a hundred times before it registers- rather than conveniently SWIPE, as one does at every other sort of terminal throughout this country.
An even bigger irritation is needing to 'scan off' before one departs the bus, else risk being charged extra or something. Did you ever think about how this would hold up bus services while people stand at the machine and look like fools as the machine ignores their card over and over?
And it's not making the bus driver's job any easier, in fact, it's more of a nuisance because then people want to transfer funds ONTO the myki card, and that process is also time-consuming and inefficient. And a lot of people don't even HAVE the Myki card, so the bus drivers end up issuing 'short term tickets', which serve exactly the same function as the previous ones, only instead of printing out a piece of paper in seconds, they need to punch a whole lot of buttons and 'validate' these damn cards, which makes admitting passengers onto the bus take forever. Accompanied by irritating jangly music. I'd go insane if I had to hear that all day.
--------------
No new TLW dreams, sadly, unless you count dreaming about![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
odakota_rose posting TLW icons. Weeeiiird. I don't know why THAT would be on my brain. O.o Nope, no clue...
But strangely enough, I did dream about making pancakes with Bree from Desperate Housewives. I don't cook, but there I was, all domestic-y and stuff. Damn good pancakes, I must say. They were smothered with whipped cream, which is one of my many vices. Mmmm. But yes, a little unsettling because it's so OOC for me. Though not as much as those rare, freaky dreams where wacky things happen that seem perfectly normal, like, you know, I'm pregnant- OMGWTF?!
You know those dreams where you're not you, you're somebody else? And then you wake up and wonder if this is how mental illness starts, losing grip on your identity in a dream? Like, what if one day, I wake up and I'm still the person I was while I was dreaming? *shudders*
Oh, mother has these pills for her blood pressure. I wonder what they could do.
Anyway, since I have no idea how to effectively carry out this sort of thing, I shall content myself with a shot of bitter and nasty.
Dear parents,
I find it amusing and pathetic and vastly infuriating that you believe overstepping boundaries and curtailing my freedom is the way to forcing academic success. Now, I have to admit, I played a major role in 'forcing' you to act like this, if I weren't so immature and apathetic and just knuckled down and studied and achieved well, you wouldn't have to be my wardens, but seriously. Seriously. Telling me I'm only allowed to read five books a week? WTF? Are we actually back to punishing me through limiting my reading?
And not allowing me to go anywhere other than uni or do anything other than study during the week? Granting me a few hours of freedom on the weekend, though naturally under restrictions? I'm not a party animal, my social life is pretty much non-existent. But you decide the best way to enhance my uni performance is to prevent me from visiting my grandmother, who is the only person I see on a regular basis, who is the only real source of support and emotional stability I have in my life. I regret not spending enough time with Pa, who died just over a year after he moved to Australia, and now you're going to keep me from hanging out with Ma? The worst thing is that if I decide I want to, god forbid, spend time with Netty or Katherine, I'm in the position of 'neglecting' her to see them, like it's all my fault when it's your stupid restrictions.
I barely see the two girls, I might go a few months without getting to hang out with them, and you know why? Some people have lives that aren't spent waiting around for a spare hour or two when you let me out of exile. They have jobs and relationships that don't conform to this schedule from hell you've stuck me in. So thanks for helping to degrade the only real life relationships I actually have managed to maintain.
Oh, and btw, I find it depressing that you apparently think the only reason someone would cultivate a relationship with me is because they are a psychopath with murderous intentions. I mean, OMG, it's just so hard to believe that someone might actually like me. But I don't even believe you really buy into that [although I kinda regret all those Criminal Minds marathons, mother, if they were just feeding your paranoid delusions], because if I had gotten Distinctions or HDs, it'd've been a different story, we could've come to an agreement, but oh no, I get Credits and suddenly I can't go see a person that actually wants to be around me
Yes, I'm indulging my inner drama queen quite a bit here. I know you love me and want what's best for me. But you don't understand that increasing these limitations and restrictions is never going to achieve what you want it to. If I succeed somehow, it'll be DESPITE this prison you're erecting around me, not because of it.
No love,
me.
/whinge.
After releasing all that resentment and frustration, I have to point out a reality check: in Afghanistan, some sadistic jerks throw acid at schoolgirls, blinding them for defying their religion and culture by seeking education. And here I am, needing emotional blackmail and crazy restrictions designed to force me to do well. How wack is that?
-------------
Apart from parents, another source of constant aggravation. Windows Movie Maker is being a real bitch. I know it gives everyone a hard time, but come on! My laptop is pictured in the dictionary under 'epic fail', for frak's sake.
I thought maybe I was equally culpable for its slackness, since running a laptop on about three GB of spare room is probably not the way to encourage optimal performance, right? I spent the morning clearing out craploads of stuff, ending with an astonishing 21 GB of free space and still, STILL it won't co-operate. It takes half an hour to open the file, operates for two minutes max if I'm lucky before it freezes, and refuses to save a vid of what I have so far, so I can't even be like, 'Look, Dakota, I did try! Here is proof of my efforts!' *wibbles*
Anyway, I'm not allowed to use it til the weekend, *eyeroll*, so maybe by then it'll have simmered down and show some mercy. But oh, if someone has a magic wand that they can wave to cure it of its tantrums and general pissiness, I would welcome a miracle.
--------------
Btw, who thinks Myki is the worst to happen to the public transport system since Connex? I'm not sure who thought it would be a brilliant idea to issue people with cards that you need to TOUCH to the screen- about a hundred times before it registers- rather than conveniently SWIPE, as one does at every other sort of terminal throughout this country.
An even bigger irritation is needing to 'scan off' before one departs the bus, else risk being charged extra or something. Did you ever think about how this would hold up bus services while people stand at the machine and look like fools as the machine ignores their card over and over?
And it's not making the bus driver's job any easier, in fact, it's more of a nuisance because then people want to transfer funds ONTO the myki card, and that process is also time-consuming and inefficient. And a lot of people don't even HAVE the Myki card, so the bus drivers end up issuing 'short term tickets', which serve exactly the same function as the previous ones, only instead of printing out a piece of paper in seconds, they need to punch a whole lot of buttons and 'validate' these damn cards, which makes admitting passengers onto the bus take forever. Accompanied by irritating jangly music. I'd go insane if I had to hear that all day.
--------------
No new TLW dreams, sadly, unless you count dreaming about
odakota_rose posting TLW icons. Weeeiiird. I don't know why THAT would be on my brain. O.o Nope, no clue...But strangely enough, I did dream about making pancakes with Bree from Desperate Housewives. I don't cook, but there I was, all domestic-y and stuff. Damn good pancakes, I must say. They were smothered with whipped cream, which is one of my many vices. Mmmm. But yes, a little unsettling because it's so OOC for me. Though not as much as those rare, freaky dreams where wacky things happen that seem perfectly normal, like, you know, I'm pregnant- OMGWTF?!
You know those dreams where you're not you, you're somebody else? And then you wake up and wonder if this is how mental illness starts, losing grip on your identity in a dream? Like, what if one day, I wake up and I'm still the person I was while I was dreaming? *shudders*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-09 12:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-10 03:09 am (UTC)Oh, dude, you have no idea how much I'd LOVE to be free but I'm realistic. I have no survival skills, lol. It's going to be 'fun' trying to pay off my student fees, let alone pay rent.
We're moving house in a few weeks, to an actual house we OWN- we've been renting all my life- and it's kinda cool because my parents are on one side of the house and I'm on the other, rather than rooming side by side, so I get to be off in my own corner, heh. It won't stop the drama, but at least I can have the illusion that I'm on my own.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-09 01:54 am (UTC)I dont have any stellar advice and that sucks because I dont like the way you are talking, even though I know that you know you are just indulging your inner drama queen.
Short of leaving and striking out on your own, I dont see many options than giving in to their demands. But you could switch majors, start doing something at uni that you can find interesting and worthwhile. I am sure not all the majors are as yuck as the one you are in right now. I wish parents didnt do things like this, I knew a lot of people in your position when I was in college and they did really stupid things to break those psychological chains. You're a good kid....they should know it and give you some freedom to explore while you're young.
Anyhoo, I dont know your parents so I wont diss them. I hope things get better for you. I'm here to listen.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-10 03:04 am (UTC)Funnily enough, the thing that pisses me off the most this time is not the laptop or tv or social restrictions- I hate them, but in a warped way, I can see what my parents are trying to accomplish- but I can't believe they're limiting the number of books I read per week. Yes, I mainly read trashy romance novels, but come on. This is ridiculous, I think that's overstepping some major boundaries, even by our standards.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-10 03:13 am (UTC)LJ is a great place to vent nad it is cool that people support your or just understand and empathize with what you are going through. It helps make the tough times a little easier.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-09 01:53 pm (UTC)It turns out all our parents have gone crazy lately....
My mom claims I will get a boyfriend when I am 28 and will go to vacation with her until 25... so I am pretty familiar with restrictions...
Why did they forbid you to go out? Did you screw up something? Because to punish you only for low grades in university is a bit.... too late. This is not high school when a low grade means grounding.... I hope you deal with the situation....
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-09 01:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-09 09:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-11 06:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-11 09:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-12 05:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-09 09:45 pm (UTC)And yeah, it was because of my low grades- it's ironic, actually, because I DIDN'T FAIL anything this time and yet they're being harsher than before, I guess because they're sick of me not doing well. Their line of reasoning is that 'if I won't put restrictions on myself to make sure I achieve good grades, they have to do it for me'. Ugh.
Why did they forbid you to go out?
And it's not just going out. I could maybe deal with not being allowed any freedom til the weekend, MAYBE, but they're not letting me use my laptop and I'm only 'allowed' to read five books a week. I read incessantly, I have two books in my bag right now, so this is just- GRR. If they're trying to drive me crazy, this is a good way to achieve it.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-11 06:34 pm (UTC)Really.... this is university we are talking about. In uni, to pass the exams, no matter with what grade, is absolutely great! It has always been that way!! You really should remind your parents about this....
Reading... ohhh, here I sympathise you even more... I love redaing, too... This is insanely stupid- redaing is educational. You should read in order to have wider view on life, to do better in your exams and so on. If they are going to punish you, let be by taking away your pocket money, TV or Internet. But books... most parent are praying for their kids to read.....
*shakes head*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-11 09:49 pm (UTC)Misery loves company? :P I don't want other people to suffer as well, but knowing you do understand is priceless.
My mom is lucky I'm just not interested in having a relationship right now, but I will enjoy her face when I get a boyfriend one day
Ha, I'm the same way. The parents are lucky I don't really want a relationship because I wouldn't let these stupid rules get in my way if I was interested in someone. Like, there's nobody I care about enough to take a stand, but if there were, there would be some 'fun' family conversations...
But books... most parent are praying for their kids to read.....
IKR?! The illiteracy levels are at record highs, kids in HIGH SCHOOL can barely read and spell and my parents are the ones bucking the trend, not allowing me to read...ugh... That said, the books I read are hardly educational, lol- romance, fantasy, sci-fi... :D
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-12 06:26 pm (UTC)Hehe- define for whom the "fun" will be- for you or for the parents ^_^
It doesn't matter what genres you read. Shakespeare is not the only educational book ^_^ As long as you don't concentrate on the pictures in the books, your readings are always helpful... Really, maybe you should talk again with your parents about the reading. This is something important, very important... After all, if you don't have books to entertain yourself, you always may replace them with drugs and alchocol.... or at least to mention this variant in front of your parents.... Give them some scarier images than bad grades and let's see what happens.... ^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-10 08:41 am (UTC)Hey! You are so not allowed to OD. You are too damned awesome to die.
And on a purely selfish note, I would miss you like crazy. So... No OD-ing. *stomps* Uh uh.
Besides that fact, as much as I love you I am not having a TLW marathon with your ghost because that would freak me the hell out. *pokes*
If it's worth anything, I'm quite sure that I'm not a psychopath with murderous intentions. *eyeroll*
Parents = drama. Grr.
*hugs again*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-11 10:01 pm (UTC)Although BOO to the ghost discrimination. Ghosts need love, too. :P
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-11 11:12 pm (UTC)*pout* But ghosts are scary. And I swing from being brave to the point of recklessness to being a chicken rather frequently, especially where the undead are concerned :P
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-17 01:22 am (UTC)Time for my Teyla icon.
DragonLady
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-24 05:17 am (UTC)The problem isn't just one-sided. I mean, I bag my parents and their psycho reactions but I'm just...helpless without them. For all their faults when it comes to dealing with me on an emotional basis, they're exemplary when it comes to providing for me- you know, food on the table, roof over head, that kind of thing. I just- don't know how to survive without them. I've grown up so sheltered that I really have no idea how to do this on my own and it's so sick, but I'm stuck in a rut because as much as I hate our relationship sometimes, I think I'd sink if I tried to go out on my own. I'm super-dependent, it's very sad, especially in Australia where kids at 16 or 17 are leaving home and renting their own places. *sighs*
I do love your 'dog' analogy. It's so apt.